create

here's my very bestest attempt to explain how to use excel to create art with words.
before you start
1.) choose some lovely words to beautify. 
you could choose a Bible verse, a meaningful quote from a person or book, or lyrics from a favorite song.
2.) download free fonts to express your words. 

i like to use this site for general font finding and this one for handwritten script fonts. these sites should explain how to easily download the fonts.

(WARNING: i find this step very time consuming as i thoroughly enjoy searching for fun fonts and there are SO many to choose from!)

get your excel on

1.) open excel, click view and click formatting palette.

2.) click insert, and then text box. you can drag the corners of the box to adjust size.

3.) start typing, choose font style and size. this is where your formatting palette is handy dandy. 

4.) click the "alignment and spacing" arrow in the formatting palette and adjust text. i distributed the text in this box.

5.) right click on the box and then click "format shape." 

6.) click "line" on the sidebar. click the arrows beside "color" and choose "no line." do the same for the fill. 

7.) insert new text box and type. to format your new box, highlight the first text box then click the format button (the paint brush) at the top of the page. your arrow will have a little brush beside it. highlight the text in the new box. this action will not only format your text, but also the line and fill in the new box. 

8.) choose a new font for the new box. 

8.) insert new text box, format to first, and distribute text. continue for the rest of your text.

9.) at this point, i like to zoom out so that i can see the whole page before i arrange text and add color.

10.) click "document theme"arrow at the bottom of the handy dandy palette and choose a delightful color palette by clicking the "colors" arrow. 

11.) now you can choose from pretty coordinating colors for your fonts. highlight text and pick a color. 

12.) for the background, insert new text box that fills up the entire page. it will cover up all of your text, but don't worry! we'll fix it soon!

13.) right click the box and "format shape." then you can choose your background color. 

14.) click the "size, rotation, and ordering" arrow in your formatting palette. then click "arrange"and "send to back."

the final shot should look like this:

and that's how i do it. i hope this tutorial gets your lexical creative juices flowing! let me know if it works for you!

new hobby

lately, i've really been enjoying piddling around with word art while the boys are napping. it's a relaxing, functional, creative outlet. i'm currently finishing up the boys' birth info, then my next project is to find sweet quotes from asher's favorite books and make them all purty. here's what i worked on yesterday:

word art

we've been working with asher to help him memorize these verses. i just love them. because i love them so, i made this word art to hang in the boys' room. i'm so happy with the way it turned out. can't wait to get it on their wall!

tia

lyndsay: asher, what do you want to be when you grow up?
asher: hmmmm....
*taps his chin pensively
asher: BIG!!!
lyndsay: big? well, that's a good thing to be when you grow up!

lyndsay, one of my very best friends from college, came to visit us thursday evening & friday morning. it was wonderful to get to spend some time with her. the boys enjoyed special tia (aunt) lyndsay time too!

seminary

asher: where's daddy?
me: he's sleeping, bud.
asher: yeah, he's sweeping. he's gotta sweep and den go to work and den go to school and den go to sweep and den get rweady for work and den he can pway wif me a wittle bit.
me: well, today when he wakes up he isn't going to school so he can play with you as soon as he wakes up!
asher: yeah! daddy can pway wif me!

sometimes i think seminary families should get to raise support like missionaries. that would make it easier for our seminary daddy to play with his boys.

watch

asher: mom, wook at my watch!
me: wow! that's cool. what time is it?
*looks down at his watch
asher: ummm, wook's wike it's about 20 seconds.
me: 20 seconds, huh? that seems like a pretty good time.
asher: yeah...i'm gonna go show daddy!
me: he's using the potty, bud. let's wait for him to come out here.
asher: ok...but i fink he'll be done in about...
*looks at his watch
asher: ...20 seconds.
me: he may be in there a little longer than 20 seconds...
asher: no! 20 seconds!
me: if you say so.

asher has a little hot wheels watch that he likes to wear. the battery is dead so it doesn't actually work, except to let the stinker know that it's 20 seconds. always, no matter what, 20 seconds.

dentist

me: husb, i think i need to go to the dentist.
bry: ok.
me: i'm just saying, i was brushing my teeth and i saw a tiny brown speck on two teeth. they don't hurt though, so maybe it's nothing.
bry: have you ever had a cavity before, wifey?
me: no, why?
bry: because cavities don't hurt.
me: WHAT?!?! i thought they were supposed to hurt! oh no, i'm so cavitied right now.
bry: you're not cavitied until a professional examines you and says you are.
me: ok, well, i think i need to go to the dentist. what if i have to get fillings?!
bry: i'm sure you're fine, but if you do, then you won't even notice them.
me: i will notice them! i've never had them!
bry: you'll be fine...
me: ugh. i'm cavitied.
bry: wifey...

i'm a little ridiculously obsessed with having healthy teeth. i think it's because i used to have a re-occuring nightmare in which my teeth would turn to mush as i was talking and then dissolve into nothing.

those two tiny specks are the beginning of my worst nightmare. next comes the toothy mush...sigh.

treats

me: asher, look what daddy has!
asher: doughnuts!!!
*runs over the bryan
asher: daddy? can you pick me up and help me pick out the very best one?
bryan: of course i can, bud!
*bry picks up asher
asher: that one!
bryan: the sprinkle one?
asher: yes!
bryan: did you know that i remembered that the sprinkle ones are your favorite so i made sure to get some especially for you because i love you, asher john!

once or twice a month bryan brings home friday morning treats for us. it's a fun little family tradition that we all enjoy.

x-ray

me: hey! what's going on?
bry: well, they're sending us over to the hospital to have it x-rayed.
me: oh, boy. so the doctor thought it was broken?
bry: she said she didn't think it was a sprain because there was a very specific spot that was hurting him and that was a red flag. she's sending us to make sure there's no fracture or anything.
me: shewf. ok, call me when you find out anything.
bry: will do.

asher fell while we were walking around target yesterday. when he tried to stand up he couldn't put pressure on his right foot. i carried him through the check out and to the car. he's been limping and/or being carried ever since. when he woke up this morning still complaining, we decided to take him to the doctor. i'm still waiting to hear the results of the x-ray.

forts

me: husb, i'm feeling kind of homesick because my stinker isn't here and we're not traveling anywhere for Thanksgiving...
bry: ok, how about we push the furniture out of the way and make a blanket fort on the floor and eat treats while we watch NBC's thursday night line up?
me: really?!?
bry: yep. i'm on it.

my husb did indeed push furniture out of the way and use every blanket, comforter and sleeping bag we have in our house to build an awesomely comfortable blanket fort in the floor.
what a guy.

potty chronicles

me: ok, let's go potty real quick.
asher: noooooooooo!
me: yes, let's just try. you haven't been in a while.
*we go to the potty.
me: ok! let some peepee out!
asher: nope. no way. i never have to peepee.
me: well, i think you should try.
asher: no peepee, mom.
me: ok, but we're not going anywhere until you try. you haven't even tried yet. focus and let some peepee out.
asher: mooooooooom. i don't hafta peepee! i never pee-
*he starts to pee.
asher: see? i jus tell you i have some peepee.
me: yep. you told me alright.


we have this conversation or one similar to it at least once a day.

fall festival

me: asher, did you have fun at the fall festival today?
asher: yes! da daddy drove his monster truck and pulled da hay trwailer so dat we could go and get a cute baby pumpkin!
me: yep. we got to ride the hay ride to the pumpkin patch and pick out a pumpkin! did you have fun in the bounce house?
asher: yep. i was jus bouncing! i went boing! boing! boing!
me: i saw you going boing in that bounce house. you probably would've stayed in there the whole time if i would've let you.
asher: yeah, but you tell me i gotta take turns.

we had our fall festival at BBLC yesterday. it was wonderful. asher thinks that anything bigger than our car constitutes a monster truck, therefore the toyota sequoia that was pulling the hay ride was an exciting addition to the festivities for our stinker.

life's a musical

seriously, around here it is. bry and i enjoy spontaneously narrating the events of our daily life with original songs. today we decided to take a family trip to a FREE natural sciences museum. i deemed it a song-worthy plan. let me just say that i was at the kitchen sink when the song came upon me and bry was sitting on the couch in the living room. he could see me from about the shoulders up through the cut-out we have in the wall above our sink.

me: so excited to be going to the life museum toooodaaayy! gonna see some neat dinosaauuuurs!
bryan: *looks at me out of the corner of his eye.
me: the mcclelland family going to see some awesome dinosaurs! at the freeeee muuseeeuummm! 
*i stretch my hands over my head and bring them back down in a to-the-beat-circular motion
bryan: are you doing your heel tapping back there too? i can't see it, but i'm pretty sure that would complete this.
me: hahaha! why, yes, i am tippy tapping back here. i'm a little embarrassed that you know my signature moves so well!
* i run into the living room where bry is
me: now, let me give you the full experience. mcclelland family going to see some awesome dinosaurs!
*i explode into my very advanced arm and heel tapping dance extravaganza.
bryan: ahhh, that's better. i like how you're doing the whole show right in front of the open window so all the neighbors can enjoy too.

i apologize that i am not able to translate the beautiful rhythms and cadences of my original song. you really are missing out on a musical masterpiece. i also apologize that you can't see my signature interpretive dance moves. they're pretty impressive as well.

just so you know, asher has started to pick up on our musical tendencies. sometimes we'll tell him to do something in song format and he will reply with a song. it's fun. except for the fact that i feel like if i let him get into the habit of singing his life aloud then i have no choice but to homeschool him.

toy

asher: mom, here. you pway wif da trwuck and i'll pway wif da car.
me: ok.
asher: hey, twuck. you wanna pway wif me?
me: sure, car! i would love to play with you.
asher: ok, what's your favorwite toy, trwuck?
me: hmmm, what's your favorite, car?
asher: my favorwite toy? my daddy.

awwwwww.

monster

asher: mom! i a monster!
me: oh no! not an asher monster!!
asher: yeah. um, mom? i fink you better rwun.
me: ok! let me get away from that monster!
asher: yeah, cause i prwobabwy gonna get you!
me: ahhhhh!
asher: it's ok, mom. i not a monster anymore. i asher.
me: oh, thank goodness.

porcupines

we went to our friend shaana's house today to decorate halloween cupcakes with her kids. she put a pan of delicious, freshly baked cupcakes in the middle of her dining room table and then let the kids ice and decorate them as they pleased. she's thoughtful and creative like that. not to mention, she loved my family so well today simply by providing us a fun opportunity to get out of the house after our week-long bout with croup.

asher was really excited when i told him we were going to their house,
me: asher, do you want to go see ms. shaana and natalie and noah and evan?
asher: yessss! pweeeeese!
me: ok, well, let's get dressed and get our shoes on.
asher: we get to see chawna and natawee and noah and evan and kevin!
me: kevin? who's kevin?
asher: i don't know, mom. who's kevin?

asher kept referring to shaana's son, evan, as kevin when we got there. i kept correcting him, but evan said that he was ok with it because, in his words: "kevin is a pretty beast name."
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this convo took place as i was helping asher decorate his cupcake,
asher: mom, can i have some more porcupines?
me: porcupines?
asher: yeah, dos right der.
*he points
me: asher, those are candy corns.
asher: yeah, candy corhns.

shaana sent us home with a bag of candy corn. asher insists, no matter how many times i tell him otherwise, that they are rightfully called porcupines.
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and this one i had with shaana's daughter natalie as i was heading to shaana's bedroom to nurse nate.
me: ok, asher, i'm gonna go feed brother. if you need anything, you can ask ms. shaana.
natalie: ok, but don't get food on the bed!
me: haha! i'll be really careful.
natalie: don't you need to get his food out of his bag?
me: nope, i've got what i need. i'm going to nurse him.
natalie: but is it in his bag?
me: no, i've got it here.
*i pat my chest
natalie: (looks confused and then her eyes get really big) oh!
me: haha! yeah, i'll be back in a minute.

thanks to you, shaana, for letting us spend hours at your house today decorating treats, running all of our energy out, and eating yummy lunch! we always enjoy getting the pleasure of spending time with your sweet, silly family.

tales from the croup

both boys have had croup this week. nate was diagnosed at the ER sunday afternoon after he woke up running a fever and wheezing that morning. we deduced from his diagnosis that asher's nasty cough was the very same virus.

amongst the cool mist humidifiers & vicks baby vapor rub, the brassy barks & the gurgily hacks, the not-feeling-so-good whines & the tired tears we've still managed to have some memorable convos.

asher: mom! wook what i've got!
me: what, bud?
*he holds out his finger and says excitedly,
asher: a big ol' boogie!! wook at dat!!
me: ewww! ok, let's get a kleenex.
asher: nope. i still got some boogies to get!
me: ok, well, let's get them out real quick. brother wants to play with you!
asher: sorry, brudder. i can't pway rwight now. i got wots of big ol' boogies to get out!

croupy congestion results in lots of big ol' boogies ripe for the toddler pickin'.
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bry: wifey?
me: yes?
*he walks into the kitchen scanning the thermometer across his forehead
bry: i think i'm running a fever.
me: oh, geez.
bry: look! i'm a sizzling 98.8 degrees!
me: you're crazy. get outta my kitchen!
bry: wifey! can't a husb get some sympathy? i'm normally a cool 97.6!
me: i've already got two sick babies...i don't need another.

the husb does have a pretty bad cold. probably from the same virus that the boys have. i think he will survive it though. i'm 98.8% sure of it.
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bry: *coughs
nate: *looks at bry and then fake coughs
bry: wifey, did you see that?
me: what?
bry: he did a little fake cough after he heard me cough. *coughs again
nate: *fake coughs
me: haha! *i cough
nate: *looks at me and fake coughs

this is a fun game. if nate hears someone cough then he needs to cough too. even if you can't see him, you'll hear his little fake coughs coming from across the room or behind the couch. it's pretty adorable.

dearest you,

you're my fuzzy socks when my toes are freezing.

you're my cinnabon creamer when my coffee is black & bitter.

you're my harry potter, my mr. darcy, my edward cullen, my aragorn.

you're my sunday afternoon nap.

you're my heartiest, tear-inducing laugh when i need it the most.

you're my toad. (i'm your frog.)

you're my sturdy umbrella when the rain & wet try to get the best of me.

you're my perfectly designed, decorated, and organized house.

you're my panera bread when i'm pregnant.

you're my sticky note when i can't remember anything.

you're my bubble bath at the end of the longest day.

you're my sneaky spoonfuls of chocolate chip cookie dough.

you're my good night & my good morning.

you're my forever & always.

you're my favorite.

you're my best.

i'm so glad you're mine.

and i'm so thankful you were born.

happy birthday to the most wonderfulest husb.

puppies

bry: mom said she got me a birthday present that you're going to like too.
me: oh? ok, that's fun.
bry: yeah, i asked her if it was a gameboy and she said no.
me: oh, good. that's not something i would like.
bry: then i told her that if she's sending me a puppy that i'm gonna have to punch her in the face.
me: maybe she's sending you one of those calendars full of adorable tiny puppies!!
bry: what?! you're ridiculous...
me: you know, i would really like a puppy...
bry: shut it!
me: hahahahahahaha!

i read a quote on the ever-so-addicting pinterest that said something like, "marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life."

one of the many reasons that marriage is so dang good.

crazy

me (talking to bry): you crazy, boo.

asher: no, not crwazy. 

me: what?! daddy's not crazy?!

asher: no...jus silly. he jus rwealy silly. 

excuse me. what i meant to say was, "you jus rwealy silly, boo." 

mater

asher: mom, mater trwuck is under da bed.
me: ok, can you reach him?
asher: nope. i jus can't weach him.
me: alright, i'll get him for you in just a minute.
asher: ok...
*he tries to reach the truck again then yells
asher: mater trwuck! you come here to me! vroom out from under dat bed!
*after waiting for mater to respond, he says
asher: uhh, mom? he did not vroom out. he not wistening and not obeying to me.
me: ohhh, is he being disobedient?
asher: yes!
*he yells back under the bed
asher: materrrrrrr! mate! mate! do you hear me? you get out from under dat bed!

potty snakes

asher: i gotta go poopoo!
me: ok, let's go!
*he sits on the potty & does his business
asher: mom, da poop wooks wike snakes!
me: oh, um, yeah, it does kind of looks like snakes.
asher: mom, der's anofer baby snake!
me: yep...

sneak attack

last night, i walked into the bedroom a few minutes after bry, but didn't see him anywhere. although i didn't see him, i could, however, hear him breathing. very suspicious...so, i froze into the crouching-wifey-hidden-husb position: feet apart, knees bent, arms tucked in, hands on either side of my face. clearly, this is the perfect defense against sneaky husb tickle attacks and/or scare tactics. then i let him know that i'm on to him,

me: bry! i can hear you breathing!

*silence. my heart starts beating a little faster. where is he?! suddenly, he responds,

bry: um, ok. so what?

*hmmm, now i'm confused. is he just trying to throw me off?! as i'm trying to decipher his game, i hear an unexpected noise,

me: hey! are you peeing?!

bry: uh, yes. why? 

*i fall on the bed laughing

me: you're in the bathroom?! i thought...hahahaha!

bry: you thought what? 

me: i walked in here and didn't see you and the bathroom light wasn't on. i could here you breathing so i thought that you were hiding and about to get me!

bry: so you said, "i can hear you breathing?" what was that gonna do? haha! 

me: husb, i was just letting you know that i was aware of the situation. if you thought that was funny, you should've seen my stance. i was ready for you, dude. 

bry: something is wrong with you.

me: hahaha!

frinkles

me: asher! daddy brought home doughnuts! yaaay!
asher: yeah! doooooughnuts!!
bryan: which kind would you like, bud?
asher: FRINKLES! i would like da one wif da frinkles!

asher really loves sprinkles.

i mean, frinkles.

brotherly love

me: asher! are you pullling your brother's hair?!
asher: ummmm, no? no, i not puwing his hair...
*he lets go of nate's hair
me: if i see that again you're getting a big spank, bud! that is not loving your brother!
asher: yeah, Jesus wove my brudder wike dis.
*he hugs nate
me: yep. Jesus loves you both. that's why you have to love each other.

bedtime prayers

bry and i are trying to teach asher to fall asleep on his own. since he moved to a big boy bed about a year ago (has it been that long already?!?!), he's needed one of us sitting in the rocking chair in his room until he falls asleep. for the past week, we've been laying him down, giving him a pillow to snuggle, showering him with hugs and kisses, and leaving him in his room to fall asleep. thus far there has been minimal tears and all has gone much better than i expected...until tonight.

bry puts asher to bed and a few minutes later we hear,

asher: MAAAAAAMMMMMMAAAAA! I WANNA HOLD YOU!
me: ut oh.
asher: MAMA! COME BACK HERE! DADDY!! COME BACK TO ME!
*i go into asher's bedroom
me: it's time for bed, bud. give me a big ol' hug and kiss and then you have to go to sleep.
asher: but i wanna hold you.
me: i'm sorry, asher, but you have to sleep.
*i give him a hug and a kiss
me: love you so much! good night!
*i leave the room

asher begins to cry, screech, and plea. he tries to sneak into the living room multiple times only to be returned to his bed. finally he wails,
asher: BUT I WANT TO PRWAAAAY!
me: oh, we did forget to pray with him, bry.
bryan: ok, let's go pray real quick.
*we walk into his room
asher: MAMA! DADDY! I WANT TO PRWAY!!!
me: ok, we're going to pray with you, bud, but then you have to go to sleep.
bryan: yep. you have to go to sleep so that you can go to school tomorrow and play with your friends!
*bryan prays and we tell asher goodnight one last time. he begins to cry again when we leave,
asher: BUT I WANT TO PRWWWWWWWAAAAYYYY!
*he's silent for a few seconds, then we hear the sweetest thing,
asher: but i want to prway...fank you, God for...in Jesus name i prway...fank you, God for asher, and mama, and daddy, and baby. i wike to go in da wiving rwoom wif mama and daddy, but i jus gotta stay here and rwest so i can go pway at school tomorrow. der's trwucks to pway wif at school and a pwaygrwound, but i gotta sit in da finking chair if i rwun in da rwoom. i wike to kiss my baby brudder, baby nate. and so...i gotta stay in my bed. mama and daddy say i can't get outta my bed again...

and on and on until he finally fell asleep. that sweet boy literally prayed himself to sleep. it was the most adorable, heart-melting thing ever.

discipline

me: ok, asher, i need you to go potty and then it's time to take a nap.
asher: NO!!!!
*he swings his toy mack truck and hits me in the head. he didn't mean to hit me, he was just swinging his truck in defiance and i was sitting closer than he realized. whether he meant to or not, it was not ok.
me: asher john!
asher: nooooooo!
*he starts crying because he knows what's coming
me: you cannot hit when you don't get your way. i have to spank you now. do you know why you're getting a spank?
*through tears and with the saddest voice in the world he says,
asher: yes, because i hit mommy.
me: yes, that's right. i cannot allow you to hit others. do you know why? because you're mine and i love you too much. i need you to learn to love others.
*he gets a hard spank and then i hold him while he cries
me: asher, i love you. can you kiss my head where you hit and make it better?
asher: yes.
*he kisses my forehead with a slobbery, wet kiss.
me: thank you, sweet boy. that's loving. i forgive you for hitting.
asher: you're welcome.
me: ok, let's go potty and get ready for nap.
asher: but i want to pway.
me: you can play when you wake up. now it's time to rest.
asher: BUT I WANT TO PWAY!
me: i understand you want to play, but we all need to rest sometimes. it's your turn to rest now. if you can't obey, then i'm going to have to spank again and i don't want to do that.
asher: ok...
*he goes to the potty and then i tuck him in the bed for his nap
me: sleep tight, bud. i love you so much. i am so glad you're mine. you're my favorite big boy.
asher: wove you, mom.
*as i turn to leave, asher sits up and says,
asher: and i will never hit ofers again, mom.
me: hey, dude, i love you no matter what, but i'm glad you're going to try not to hit others anymore.

i know that asher will hit again. he won't love others the way he should. his anger will get the best of him and he'll hit, or kick, or shove, or yell. if bryan and/or i am around, he will always be disciplined for those actions.
because God has given him to us to raise well.
because we love him too much to let him be a brat.
because loving others is second only to loving God.

let me just do a mini-confession here real quick:
the #1 rule of disciplinary spanking is don't do it when you're angry. getting hit in the head with a toy truck made me angry. it hurt and i was mad at asher for doing it. between me yelling, "asher john!" and him crying, "nooooo!" i had to take deep breaths and count a few numbers slowly. however, as soon as i saw asher's tears and realized he knew he had messed up, the Lord melted my anger and pride. thankfully, the Lord has been teaching me a lot about discipline and parenting lately. He's been teaching me how my son and i share the same curse of sin. He's been imploring me to show my son the same grace and mercy and love and discipline that He shows me when i am defiant in my own sin.

praise the Lord that He disciplines His children well because we are His and He loves us too much to let us stay the way we are.

confession # 10: i got baptized

once upon a time, i was 11 years old. i prayed the sinner's prayer, then i got baptized.

ok, so let's be honest. it was more like the i-don't-wanna-go-to-hell-so-this-prayer-will-be-my-fire-insurance-but-it-probably-won't-change-my-life-in-any-other-significant-way prayer. it didn't really mean much to me. 

i was under the impression that since i had prayed that certain prayer that it made me a Christian. like magic. repeat this prayer and abra-ca-dabra, you're saved and you can go on living however you choose and doing whatever you want and God will answer all of your prayers for cute boyfriends and big boobs and popularity. 

except not really. just because i repeated those words did not mean that i knew Christ as my Lord and Savior. if i had truly known Him, then my life would have been way more about Him and way less about me. it was certainly all about me.

as i entered into high school, my need to have me at the center of the world took precedence.

i was insecure.

i was needy.

and i wanted to be cool, dang it.

so i did a lot of things that did not make me happy. i said a lot of things that were inappropriate. i was a lot of things that were gross. i craved acceptance.

that's what happens when i let me become the center of the universe. miserable dysfunction. you see, people aren't made to work that way. we're made to orient our lives around Christ. through Him and by Him and in Him and for Him all things are. He's the center of the universe. He literally holds the world, including us, together. so, without Him, i was not a properly functioning person. and i knew it. i could feel it. like i was drowning in the expectations of others. suffocating under the weight of trying to fit in.

thankfully, towards the end of high school, the Lord placed some inspiring Christians in my life. ones who were intentional and sincere. ones whose faith genuinely changed the way they lived. ones who challenged me to see if the way i lived my life matched what i said i believed.

it did not. God used 1st John 1:5-10 to open my eyes:

⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

 ⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

this passage described me. i had been claiming Christ while living in darkness.

and, oh, i was so weary of that darkness.

the Holy Spirit used 1st John to literally send me to my knees. there, broken on the floor,
i confessed my sin of living for myself,
i repented of my filthy ways,
i submitted to Christ.

as cliche and silly as it may sound to those of you who have not experienced this, after finally deciding that i needed Christ and without Him i was not whole, i felt the burden of the world lifted.

like being pulled up out of mirky, freezing, immobilizing waters and taking that first breath.

finally, i was me and that was ok. i was free in Christ to be exactly who he had made me. and He knew me. and He still chose to love me. i knew that God loved me with all of His heart. and i was lovely because HE loved me. not because i wore the right clothes, or said the funniest things, or had the perfect figure.

i was me and i was lovely. always and only because HE loves me.

since this true conversion experience, which happened years ago, i had not been baptized...

until yesterday.

wanting to be faithful and obedient to what Christ has called His followers to do, i was baptized in a lake with 6 others from North Wake Church.

and what a blessing it was.

so, all that to say, i got baptized, y'all. just wanted to let you know.

AND i wanted to sincerely apologize to any and everyone who may have been led astray by me claiming Christ while still walking in darkness. i pray for you. really, i do. you may not think i remember you, but i probably do (i'm pretty adept at facebook stalking.)
i pray that you may know the freedom and security that only Christ brings.
i pray that you may know what it feels like to breathe in Him for the first time.
i pray that you may know the joy of being who He created you to be.
i pray that you learn that you are lovely because HE loves you.

always and only because Christ loves you.

brothers

me: asher! don't pick up your brother, please.

*asher shrugs his shoulders and says,

asher: i jus saying, mom. 

me: well, you can't pick him up he's too heavy. 

asher: i know. i jus saying.

asher tries to justify any action by jus saying. 

_________________________________________________________

asher has a cute little laptop that helps children learn animal sounds, numbers, and shapes. he's really too big for it now, so i let nate play with it. 

nate: *banging on the laptop buttons

asher: umm, nate? i needa check my e-mail. 

*he takes the computer from nate. 

me: asher, your brother was playing with that. 

asher: i needa check my e-mail, mom. i jus saying.

nate: *crawls on top of his brother and tries to get to the laptop

asher: mom! wook at brudder! he's crwawling ober me!

me: i see! he wants to know why you took his laptop away!

asher: cuz i just needa check my e-mail, nate!

___________________________________________________

nate likes to chew on the charger cord for our macbook. he gets in trouble every time he does it. we've started having to slap his little hands when he grabs it because we're afraid he could get electrocuted. even with the hand slaps, the rubbery cord texture is just too chewable for a teething tot to resist.

me: nate! drop it! NO! NO!

asher: naaaaate! NO!

nate: *looks at us and smiles

me: nate, you cannot play with that chord. 

asher: yeah, nate. do you fink dat's a good idea? i don't fink dat's a good idea. 

nate: *tries to put the cord in his mouth

asher: MOM! GET HIM! 

me: NO! NO! 

*i slap nate's hand

asher: yeah, nate. no! you can't haf dat cord!

me: asher, i appreciate you trying to be a good big brother and looking out for nate, but you need to let mommy handle this. 

asher: ok, mom...but nate can't haf dat cord...not a good idea, nate. 

asher has been questioned many a time about whether or not he thought his actions were good ideas. it's so kind of him to impart his wisdom to his brother, don't you think? poor nate isn't going to be able to get away with anything fun with brother around. 

dream

me: hey, bud. did you have a good nap?
asher: yeah. der was a mouse.
me: a mouse?
asher: yeah. papa had a mouse.
me: papa had a mouse? was he scaring you with a mouse?
asher: yeah. he was just saying, "eeeeerrrrr!" (growly noise)
bryan: i think you were having a dream, bud.
asher: no, it was a mouse. i was going wif gangee to see papa.
me: you and gangee were going to see papa?
asher: yeah, and papa was a mouse! he put on his gwasses and said, "eeeerrrr!" and den he put on his hat and said, "eeerrrrrr!"
me: so, papa turned into a mouse? that sounds pretty creepy.
asher: yeah. it was pwetty cweepy.
me: you know, that didn't really happen. papa isn't really a mouse. that was just a dream. it was just pretend in your mind.
asher: yeah, papa not weally a mouse. it was pwetty twicky.

daaaaang, papa. will you quit scaring my kid while he's trying to sleep?!

on a side note, asher uses the adjective "tricky" a lot. i'm not sure where he learned it, but it's one of my favorite things that he says.

having a dream about papa turning into a mouse and eeeeerrrring at you is pretty tricky, indeed.

bucks

bryan: tot! you've got teeth coming in!
me: where at? on the bottom?
bryan: nope. on the top. his two front ones are about to break through!
me: let me see!
*i push his little lip up
me: just like asher! i can't believe that.
bryan: yep. you're getting your buck teeth, nate.

usually, the two middle teeth on the bottom come in first for babies. i thought it amusing and adorable when asher's top two teeth came in first. now, nate's top two are about to pop through. apparently, baby bucky teeth run in the family.

a boy and his balloon

i took asher and nate on a trip to harris teeter this morning. as soon as we walked in the door asher asked:


asher: mom? can i have a bawoon?!
me: umm, we'll see when we're all done shopping.
asher: yeah! when we're all done!


can i just say that i hate flimsy, easily popped, then once popped easily inhaled, then once inhaled easily stuck in a toddler or baby's throat, then once stuck easily suffocating balloons? why do grocery stores think it's a good idea to give them to tiny children? needless to say, i was hoping he would just forget about it, but as we were checking out...

nice, good intending grocery store lady: would you like a balloon, sweetie?
asher: YES! A BAWOOOOOOOON!
NGIGSL: ok! what color?
asher: BWUUUUUUE!
NGIGSL: ok! you wait right here with your mama and i'll go get you one!

i thought about making a run for it while she was gone. i especially hate having balloons in the car because if it does pop and get stuck in a throat then i would probably panic and wreck trying to get to my suffocating child. however, my son was so dang excited about that blue balloon that he literally did a balloon dance. so we waited and took that darn balloon with us.

me: how about we let that balloon go out here before we get in the car?! we can watch it fly!
asher: noooooooooo!
me: ok, but i need you to be very careful with it.

thanks a lot, NGIGSL. now i'm probably gonna wreck because my son is going to suffocate on his dang blue balloon. as i'm driving and trying not to glance in the rearview mirror every 5 seconds to keep an eye on the potentially suffocating perpetrator, asher is thoroughly enjoying his time with it.

asher: oh, bawoon. i jus so much wove you!
*he hugs his balloon.
asher: der! a kiss!
*he kisses his balloon
me: you love that balloon, asher?
asher: yes! i wove my bwue bawoon!
*he kisses it again
me: wow, that's a lot of balloon love, but don't put your mouth on it, please.
asher: ok, mom.
me: you have to be gentle with it or it may pop.
asher: yes, we have to be gentle.
me: yep. when we get home you can let it go and watch it fly away! won't that be fun?!
asher: yeah! ok!
*he squeezes the balloon a little too lovingly and POP!
me: ut oh! it popped!
*i literally pull over on the side of the road, grab all the poppings, then piece them together to make sure they're all accounted for. thankfully, there were only 2 pieces.
asher: awwww, but i jus wanna watch my bwue bawoon fwy away!!!!
me: i'm sorry, bud. it's gone now.
asher: awwww...
*he pouts for a few minutes
asher: mom?
me: yes, bud?
asher: i can have a pink bawoon now?!

no, sir. you cannot.

confession # 9: we all need grace

me: asher! don't go that way! we have to go this way to the car!
asher: i wanna go dis way.
*he turns and starts to walk the opposite way down the sidewalk
me: asher! we're already running late. come back this way!
*he stops, but doesn't follow the rest of us
me: fine! you go that way! me and brother and daddy are getting in the car! you can stay here! BYE!
*he hangs his head
bryan: come on, bud. it's time to get in the car.
*asher makes a pouty lip and looks up at his daddy with tears in his eyes
bryan: what's wrong, asher?
asher: mama jus tell me bye...
bryan: oh, bud, she didn't mean that. she wants you to come with us. she loves you.

i was exhausted. really, i was.


i had a cold. i didn't feel good at all.


oh, AND i had my period. 


you know, it had been a long week. 


and we were running late. 


he should've obeyed the first time and then i wouldn't have gotten so upset. 

these were the excuses that went through my head-all true, mind you-when i saw my sweet son's teary eyes. my first temptation was to justify the frustrated and hurtful remarks i had made to him with those pitiful excuses. thankfully, the Lord crushed my pride and forced me to think through what i had done. i had just threatened to leave my 2 1/2 year old son on the sidewalk because he took a few steps in the wrong direction...and, even worse, he believed that threat. in my prideful frustration and anger, i tried to force my child to obey by threatening his security which is an awful and terrifying thing to do to a child.

ouch. what a jerk. worse than a jerk. what a terrible mama.

so, after we were all in the car and driving,
me: asher, i'm sorry for saying that, bud. of course, i want you to come with us. i love you.
asher: yeah. you want me to come too.
me: yes, i do! i was just frustrated. i should never have said those things. i'm so sorry, bud.

let me just confess that even after acting so awfully, i didn't apologize as quickly as i should have. i tried to justify my behavior for a good few minutes of driving before the Lord really prompted me to apologize to my son. shame on me.

i'm so thankful for the grace of God in parenting. i'm so thankful that He never threatens to leave even when i indulge my own disobedient, sinful heart. in fact, He promises to never leave or forsake us (deut. 31:6).

may i continue to daily depend on the grace of God so that i may learn to daily impart it to my sweet children.

lessons

asher: da fwiend hit asher at school today.
me: oh, he hit you?
asher: yeah. right here on dis ear.
me: i'm sorry, bud. it hurts when we get hit. do you remember when you had to sit in the thinking chair because you were throwing blocks?
asher: yeah.
me: your teachers made you sit in the thinking chair because they were afraid you might hit someone with those blocks. we can't hit our friends because it hurts. i'm sorry your friend hit you in the ear today.
asher: yeah, but mrs. whitney kiss it for me.
me: aww, how sweet of her!
asher: yeah, and mrs. becky kiss it too.
me: did that make it all better?
asher: yep.

SO thankful for opportunities to teach asher right from wrong. even more thankful for sweet teachers that love and care for my son.

it's baaaaack

in honor of tonight, let me redirect you to this post.


what's that i feel? my inner 15 year old girl squealing with delight?


welcome back, you silly, squealy friend.


i've missed you.

dearest inner-15-year-old-squealy-mcsilly girl,

i hate to do this to you. really, i do. i know how much you love the thrill of unrealistic, supernatural teenage drama, but this needs to be said. are you sitting down? i'm going to try to let you go gently.

i'm done with the aforementioned show. the level of ridiculous content has exceeded my responsible adult viewing capacity. maybe i'm just in a different life place than i was last season, but the questionable, sketchtastic content seems to have escalated to an unreasonable amount. i may have visibly cringed a few times while watching due to how remarkably uncomfortable i felt. i shouldn't feel filthy after watching a tv show.

so, miss mcsilly, label me a prude if you must, but i'm out, sista. call me up in november and you can be my date to a certain vampire wedding, if you like.

sincerely the adult who has to put her foot down this time,
elise

jump

asher: mom? can i jump on da couch?
me: no.
asher: on da wocking chair?
me: nope.
asher: on da bed?
me: no, bud.
asher: on da bwyan's?
me: sure! you can jump all over the bryan's!
asher: yeah! it'll be cool! it'll be gweat!

awake

asher: umm... mom? i awake.
me: what are you doing out here? you're supposed to be sleeping.
asher: yeah, i all done wif my nap. 
me: it wasn't a nap, bud. you were supposed to be asleep for the night.
asher: yeah, i awake.
me: why are you awake?
asher: cuz i ready to pway.
me: it's not time to play.
asher: yeah...
me: yep.
asher: can i watch some twucks on da puter?
me: nope.
asher: yeah, it's too wate. we're supposa be sweeping.
me: yep.
asher: can i watch da excabators on da puter?
me: nope, no excavators either.
asher: dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig my excabatooooor.
me: why are you awaaaaaaaake?
asher: um, mom? can we wun in da house?
me: no, we're gonna get ready to go back to bed.
asher: is it too wate?
me: yes! it is!
asher: can we watch tv?
me: nope.
asher: can we pway?
me: nope.
asher: can we take a nap?
me: yes! please! why don't you go back to bed and take a nap?!
asher: uhhhh, no.

i'm off to put a ridiculous toddler back to bed.

on this day

thankful on this day for the brave heroes who responded quickly and sacrificed greatly to minimize the loss of life 10 years ago.

more thankful that God is a God of restoration and healing.

most thankful that He loves and forgives sinners like me while they are still filthy in their sin.

may we continue to glorify and honor Christ as we remember September 11, 2001.

pull my leg

asher: mom, i can have some milk?

me: sure! where's your cup?

asher: umm, i not know. i don't see it anywheres. 

me: well, we have to find it if you want some milk!

asher: der it is!

*he points across the room

me: where? 

asher: ober der!

me: i don't see it. are you pulling my leg?

asher: umm, sure. here ya go, mom.

*he pushes on my leg. 

asher: now i pull your weg. 

me: oh ok, 'preciate it, bud.

now that nate's on the move...

...he's found some new favorite things to eat! bry and i find ourselves saying things like this multiple times a day:

"naaaaate, how did you get your brother's shoe? and why is it in your mouth?"

"tot! we don't eat paper! what happened to mickey mouse's lower half? did you seriously ingest 1/2 of a coloring page?!"

"duuuuude, get those diapers out of your mouth!"

"where did you get that tube of diaper rash cream? that's for your booty, not your mouth!"

"we don't eat remotes, totty."

"where did that crayon come from? you're going to have multi-colored poop!"


oh, and this happened:
bry: i'll change nate's diaper if you want to go run some bath water for him?
me: ok.
*a few minutes later, bry comes to the bathroom
bry: wifey, i got up to go throw tot's diaper away and when i came back he was making his escape, crawling away with his little naked booty in the air.
me: awww...
bry: look out! he's coming this way!
me: ahhhh! nudey tot on the loose!


there's nothing cuter than a crawling, nudey, baby booty!

preschool

me: asher, did you sing songs with mrs. lisa today?
asher: yes!
me: what kind of songs did you sing?
asher: songs about asher.
me: about asher? well, did you sing a song about a fish?
asher: yes! and we say, "wait a minute! we're fishies!" hahaha!
me: oh, yeah. those silly fishies. what did you do in your class with your friends? with mrs. whitney and mrs. becky?
asher: well, dey jus tell me dat i hafta sit in da finking chair cause i frow bwocks.
me: oh, you had to sit in the thinking chair?
asher: yeah, cause i frow bwocks...and we don't frow bwocks, we build bwocks.
me: well, i'm so thankful they made you sit in the thinking chair. we never throw blocks because we might hurt our friends.
asher: yep, and we don't wanna hurt our fweends.

so thankful that asher has wonderful, guiding teachers at preschool. we are just loving our time at building blocks learning center!

nater tot

nate wanted to say hey...

no, seriously, he said, "hey!" like 3 times...

crustache

bryan: yeah, i don't know what made me think flowing hair, big, round glasses, and a crustache was an attractive look in middle school...
me: haha! me either! thinking about crustaches makes me cringe a little. i was ugly and gangly in middle school too though.
bryan: wifey, you know that our boys are going to have crustaches when they hit puberty.
me: noooooooooooooo! can't you counsel them into shaving those nasty things?!
bryan: it's their first sign of manhood and masculinity. you just need to let them be proud of it.
me: ewwwww. i've never met a girl that wasn't grossed out by the crustache look. it does not look manly.
bryan: wifey, you can't tell them that when they have them.
me: ok, well i won't tell them anything, but YOU need to tell them to shave it off until they can grow some serious manly facial hair.
bryan: i'll tell them it will grow back thicker if they keep it shaved. you know though, these are my progeny we're talking about here. they'll probably be blessed with full beards by middle school...

i apologize if you are reading this and are a past or present crustache rocker. i just can't handle my teenage boys being crustacheous. after thinking on how disturbing the thought of my sweet boys growing a tiny little crustache creature on their lips is, i had an idea!

me: bry! i just decided something!
bryan: ok...what?
me: we need to encourage our boys to keep their crustaches! that way, girls will leave them alone until they can grow real facial hair. hopefully, by then they'll be in college and won't have to deal with silly high school girl heart break!
bryan: hmm...i think you just won yourself the award for worst parenting idea ever, wifey.

the one thing i find more disturbing than crustacheous sons is girl-crazy, heartbroken sons.

suddenly, the crustache seems like a beautiful thing.

public poop

asher: umm, mom? i got somfin' in my butt...
me: ut oh.
*i check his pants
me: yes, yes you do have something in your butt.
bryan: poop?
me: yep.

this conversation took place right as we sat down to eat dinner at chili's. it was gross and i was unprepared, but i survived my first public potty accident with asher.

a proposition

bryan: andrew said asher was like a walking episode of "kids say the darndest things."
me: yeah, he is...but, you know, i think all kids are like that. it's just way more noticeable with asher because i blog all the funny things he says.

that being said, i have a proposition for you all. i hope you don't find it presumptuous. here goes.

since i enjoy sharing conversations so much, i thought it might be fun to have some guest convos on the blog every week. i didn't know if anyone would want to take me up on that since my blog is not anything special. however, i know some of you don't have blogs or ,if you do, you don't have time to keep up with them. i also know that all of us have really funny kids or husbands or students or friends in our lives that provide really entertaining or meaningful conversations.

SO if anyone wants to take me up on this offer, i would just love to hear from you.

redlight

me: red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go!
asher: yeah, gween means go!
me: yep!
asher: and yeddow means go slwowy.
me: yes.
asher: and wed means da carses gotta stop vroomin'!
me: yep! you got it, bud!

1.) asher has begun to pluralize like gollum. recently i've heard carses, eyeses, shirtses, toyses, truckses, hobbitses...ok, so i haven't heard him say that last one, but it's probably coming.

2.) vroom is one of our favorite verbs around these parts. our cars never drive anywhere, they always vroom. vrooming, of course, is way more fun.

clive

me: i just love c.s. lewis so much.
bryan: yeah?
me: yes! i think we should have another son and name him clive. i just love him!
bryan: if you love him so much, why don't you marry him?
me: *sigh* because he died...
bryan: wow. thanks a lot, wifey.
me: oh, clive...

i've always appreciated c.s. lewis because he gifted the world with The Chronicles of Narnia, but after reading Mere Christianity for the first time a few weeks ago, i just love the guy. i'm just so thankful for his thinking. whether you're a Christian or not, you should take the time to read Mere Christianity.

and just for the record, despite my teasing, i am way more thankful and have way more love for my husb than i do for c.s. lewis.

cut it out

bryan: asher, stop spitting.
asher: *blows spit bubbles
bryan: asher, cut it out! that's not funny, bud.
asher: *laughs and dribbles some more
bryan: seriously, cut it out.
asher: stop cutting me out!!! i blowing bubbles!!!

hot nater tot

nater tot woke up with a fever. he's all snuggly and sweet and i just need to love on him.

bryan: are you planning on holding that guy all day?
me: yep! this is the first time he's been sick since he had RSV and i feel like i just need to keep him close.
bryan: yeah, that's fine.
me: just look at him! he's running a fever and he looks all peaked!
bryan: what does that even mean?
me: i think if you say someone looks all peaked you mean they just look sick. their eyes are all weak...and peaked! i don't know how to describe it because it's one of those sayings that i've heard all of my life. i think my great grandma said it and now all the women in my family do.
bryan: yea, ok.
me: just trust me. he's looking all peaked.


peaked (adj.) pee-KED: when someone looks sick, i.e. weak eyes, or pale skin, or flushed cheeks, etc.-synonyms: uhhh, peaked?

achoo

asher: accchhhooo!!
*i'm not paying attention so asher says,
asher: mom? i sweeze.
me: you sneezed?
asher: yes.
*looks at me expectantly
asher: you gotta say "bwess you"
me: oh! yes! i'm sorry. bless you, asher!
asher: thanks, mom.

sometimes a big boy has got to keep his mama in check.

sweezes are serious business.

bible versin' big boy

bryan: mama! asher just said his whole Bible verse with no prompting!
me: whaaaaaaat?! can you say it again for me, please?!?!
*with a sweet, sheepish smile he says,
asher: fohr God so woved da worhld...dat He gave His onwy Son...dat whoevehr beweives in Him should not pewish! but have eternahl wife! john thwee sisteeeen!
me: you said that whole Bible verse! asher, i am SO proud of you! that was wonderful! i just love hearing you say Bible verses!
asher: yes! i say my Bible vehrse!!
me: you know what that means? we get to start working on another one!
asher: yeah! another one!
me: you are my big ol' Bible versin' boy!


for the past month, bryan and i have been working on scripture memory with our sweet stinker. we decided to start with John 3:16 since it is the Gospel in a single sentence. tonight was the first night i've ever heard asher say it without prompting or help.

it was beautiful.

praying that the Lord uses His word to speak to asher's tiny heart at a young age. as parents, our most passionate plea is that our sons might believe in Christ and know the perfect love of their True Father.

on PDA

this convo took place as bry and i were discussing PDA with some of our friends...

bry: elise used to grab my butt in public.
me: haha! yeah! he would get so mad about that.
bry: yeah, because we'd just be walking around the grocery store and she would grab it!
me: i always checked to make sure no one was looking first!
bry: whatever! i would turn around and there would be 3 or 4 people in the aisle behind us!
me: yeah, but they wouldn't be looking!
bry: of course not! because they would too embarrassed to make eye contact!
me: i don't think so... i forgot i used to do that. i can't wait for our next grocery store trip!

sometimes a wifey just gotta give her husb a little PDA.

boogies

asher: mom, i jus gotta get my boogies out.
*sticks his finger up his nose
me: ok, well let's put them in a kleenex so we can throw them away when you're all done.
asher: NO! i just gotta put dem back in my nose when i all done.
me: ewwww!

he's learned from the best.

pirates

*asher puts a block on his head
asher: i got a piwate hat!
me: oh, yeah? that's cool.
asher: arrrggghhhh, matey! dat's what a piwate says!
me: yeah! arrggghhh, matey!
asher: no, mom. you can't say it. you don't have a hat.

little boy imaginations arrrrrrrre fun.

John 3:16

me: for God so loved the world...
asher: fohr God so woved da worhld...
me: that He gave His only Son...
asher: dat He gave His only son...AND MONSTEHR TWUCKS!!


he's probably right. i'm pretty sure God gave the world monster trucks because he loves little boys.

mac vs. pc

bryan: so, i think when we eventually get ready to buy a desktop computer we should get a PC.
me: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!
bryan: i'm just saying, they're a lot easier to play video games on.
me: husb, don't you know that PC stands for "probably crappy"...or maybe it's "poopy computing," i can't remember which.
bryan: wiifffffeeeeeyyyy, don't you remember when we were looking at laptops and i didn't want to get a mac, but i did because you wanted one and i love you.
me: no, we got a mac because you did some research and decided it was a good idea. then when we got it your eyes were opened to the truth and you were converted.
bryan: ok, well maybe i'm missing the old PC...
me: if you are so easily swayed to depart from us then you were never really with us, husb.
bryan: oh my gosh, are you questioning my salvation?
me: no! just your loyalty to apple...
bryan: do you still love me if i want a PC?
me: yes, of course, husb.
*dramatic pause
me: hate the sin, not the sinner...
bryan: you are ridiculous.

can't somebody help a sista out and help my silly husb see the error in his PC-loving ways?!

pretty princess

me: do you like my dress, asher?
asher: yes, mommy! you're a princess!
me: a princess?! aww, thanks, bud.
asher: you're welcome. spin around, mommy, like a princess!
*i spin around in a circle
asher: wow...a princess...

talk about a stinker melting a mama's heart...

spoon

asher: awww, my mom! i lost my spoon!
me: what happened to it?
asher: i was just banging daddy with it.
me: ohhh, so he took it away?
asher: yeah...i can have it back?
me: you'll have to go apologize to daddy and see if he'll give it back.
asher: awww...maybe you can go get it?

street

me: i think my hairdryer's in the other room...
bryan: there wasn't too much left in the upper room?
me: with skins on his back and hair on his face, they thought he was strange by the locusts he ate! you see the pharisee's tripped when they heard him speak, until the king took the head of this Jesus freeeeeaaaaakkkkkk!
bryan: let me just tell you 3 ways that i know you are skraight up skreet from that performance, baby.
me: yes?
bryan: 1) those amazing gangsta dance moves, 2) the way your voice went all ghetto deep on that last word, and 3) that awesome song choice.
me: why, thank you, husb.


you didn't know i had street cred, did you? well, now you know.

straight up street, y'all.

dance

bryan: check out my sexy dance moves! it's like a mating dance!
me: husb. i don't know what you're trying to accomplish with those moves, but they certainly do not inspire me to mate.
bryan: wifey, it's ok. i know you're lying to prevent me from breaking out these moves all the time...
me: what?
bryan: cuz if i was always doing these moves you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from being all up on's me.
me: oh, yeah. that's it.

i wish i had a video of bryan's mating dance to show y'all. i simply can't describe it with mere words. however, if i did have the good fortune of capturing such glorious moves on video, i'm afraid i wouldn't be able to share it with the world. i wouldn't want to be responsible for causing millions of unsuspecting women to stumble into sin by swooning over my too hot to handle husb.

sorry, ladies. he, along with his ridiculous dancing, is all mine.

LOTR

me: i get around, round, round, round, i get aaarrroooooouuunnd... i feel like i'm gonna have that song stuck in my head all night...
bryan: no you're not because we're gonna watch lord of the rings and then you'll be distracted.
me: (in a very enya-ish voice) may it beeee an evening staaaar shines brightlyyyy on yooooouuuu...
bryan: what was that?
me: husb! the lord of the rings song! duh. enya? don't you remember?
bryan: kind of, but i don't remember it well enough to know the words.
me: huuuuusb! well, tonight you're gonna hear it and think, "dang, my wifey was right on! she sounded even better than enya!"
bryan: what if i already think you sing better than enya? there! stick that up your butt!
me: mmm, thank you, husb.

after reading the hobbit and the fellowship of the ring this past week, i really wanted to watch the 1st LOTR movie. it's the first time i've ever read the books and i'm enjoying them so much that i can't figure out why it's taken me so long to get around to it. although i love the movies already, i'm excited to watch the 1st one tonight (extended edition-yahoo! thanks for the loan, deana!) because i think not only will i understand it a lot better, but also enjoy it much more having finally read the book.

SO go read you some LOTR. they're lovely.

so lovely, in fact, that i need someone to make a theme park like Harry Potter World except it can be all of Middle Earth. i would really love to visit the shire.

 why has no one done this yet?

why am i so nerdy?

to the rescue

bryan is tickling me. asher runs in the room to see what's going on and takes immediate action.

asher: don't worry, mom! i save you!
me: oh, thank goodness! help me!
bryan: you can't have her! she's miiiine!
asher: don't worry, my mom! i get you!
*he pulls my hand as hard as he can and bry lets me go
me: yaaaaayyy!
asher: phew, i did it! i just save you from daddy!
me: good job, asher john!

that's usually about the time bryan grabs both of us and tickles us mercilessly.

thankfully, the nater tot will be crawling soon. then it will be his turn to come rescue us from our tickling torture...or get caught in the trap with us.

surely 2 little heroes and 1 damsel in distress mommy can take on the big daddy tickle monster though. i can't wait to find out!

don't worry

as the boys and i were sitting in the living room, a car horn honked outside the window. it startles asher and he jumps. then he says,

asher: woah! don't worry, mom!
me: ok. thanks, bud.
asher: it just a horn. it outside.
me: yeah, i heard it.
asher: don't worry. it not gonna hurt you.
*he pats my leg reassuringly
me: thank you for letting me know.
asher: you're welcome, mom. it just a horn.
*he rubs my back

i just love having sweet boys that take care of their mama.

bedtime Bible stories

every night, before bed, bryan or i read Bible stories with asher from this children's Bible. it's wonderful and lovely and if you haven't heard of it then you should get it for your kids...or grandkids...or nieces and nephews...or random kid you meet in wal-mart. seriously, it's that good.
tonight, after we read our Bible story, asher wanted to read the Bible to me. here are some of his Biblical interpretations based on the pictures:

Parting the Red Sea:
asher: der playing in da waters. and who's dat?
me: those are soldiers trying to come after them.
asher: yeah, cause der not suposa be in da waters. dos shoulders are gonna come and get dem out. der not suposa be playing in da waters.

Moses on top of Mount Sinai:
asher: he's on top ofa mountain.
me: yep. that's moses.
asher: yeah. he gotta be careful and get down or he might fall.
me: well, yeah. he might.
asher: yeah. dos boys down der are gonna get him down cause he might fall.

David and Goliath:
asher: who's dat?
me: that's goliath. he's a mean giant.
asher: he's got a hat on.
me: yep. that's his helmet.
asher: yeah. cause he's a shoulder.
me: yeah, he is a soldier.
asher: look at his toesies.
me: yeah, he's wearing sandals.
asher: look at my toesies! i got toesies too, but der in my socks right now.

after asher read to me we said prayers. when we were done he said,

asher: let's say pwayers again.
me: how about you say some prayers this time?
asher: ok.
*he squeezes his eyes closed.
me: can you say some?
asher: Jesus love me.
me: yes! He does love you!


it's so sweet to hear that wonderful truth coming from my son's sweet mouth.

it might be

me: let's change your big boy pull-up!
asher: my mom, it's a diaper.
me: oh no! it's not a diaper. it's a big-boy pull-up! diapers are for babies and you're not a baby. you get to go potty when you wear a big boy pull-up.
asher: yeah...but, it might be a diaper.

and you might be too smart for your own good, stinker.

papers

baby nate: *grabs some papers that asher left beside him
asher: no, baby nate! you cannot have dees! dees are mom's papers! she need 'em!
baby nate: *stares confusedly at his brother
asher: here ya go, mom! i got your papers!

my papers had already been colored on, poked through with a pen, ripped off at the corners, and crumpled into balls by a certain stinker who had no concern at all for the well being of such papers until his baby brother tried to get in on the paper destroying action.

thanks for looking out for me, bud.

carrots

me: asher, come sit with me.
asher: no, my mom. i needa get a carrot.
me: a carrot?
asher: yeah, chure. a carrot.
me: are you sure that's what you want?
asher: yes! i chure!
me: ok, i'll get you one.
*i hand him a baby carrot
asher: mmmm, carrot.
*he licks it
asher: yuck! i no want dis carrot!
me: you have to bite it, not just lick.
asher: no! here! you bite it!

you know that carrot that my dear stinker was so sure he wanted? the yuck one?

yeah, i ate it for him.

even after he licked it.

i hear his daddy was prone to having-to-eat-his-veggies-induced fits of gagging and protest. so, it could be worse.

one day, my boy will eat his delicious veggies.

oh, poop

me: asher, did you poop in your underwear?
asher: no, i did not.
me: are you sure?
asher: yes, i chure.
me: because i smell poop. is that poop on your leg?
asher: no, it is not.
me: so, it smells like poop and looks like poop, but it's not poop?
asher: no, it is not.
me: let me check...
asher: awww, my mom. i needa change my unnawears.

we had to change underwears and take a bath. it definitely was poop.

toes

baby nate recently discovered that it's fun to lay on his back and play with and/or chew on his sweet baby toes. it's adorable and results in lots of happy nater totting squeals. 

asher recently discovered that his mom thinks it's gross for him to sniff and/or lick other people's toes. it is not so adorable and results in conversations like this,

me: ASHER! cut it out! do not lick my feet!

asher: *uncontrollable laughter

me: it's not funny, dude. it's gross and yucky!

asher: i jus smell them! *sniffs really hard

me: no, asher. that's yucky too!

asher: yeah, yuck! *giggle, giggle, gigglety, giggle

mother's disapproval makes yucky things hilariously more fun. 

you's a dirty boy

as i was in the bathroom with asher waiting on him to go potty, i yell:

me: BRY! CAN YOU BRING ME SOME CLEAN CLOTHES FOR ASHER?
bry: YEP! JUST A SECOND!
asher: YEAH, DAD! I GOT POOP ON MY SHIRT!
me: what?  no, you didn't. that's chocolate cookie from earlier, remember?
asher: oh, yeah.
*looks down at his shirt, smiles, then yells,
asher: IT JUS CHOCATE COOKIE, DAD! NOT POOP!

thankfully.