Thursday, March 28, 2013

road trip

me: why don't we just stop at the visitor's center? it's coming up in a few miles.
bryan: no. definitely not.
me: why not?
bryan: because visitor's centers are sketchy.
me: what? why?
bryan: i don't know. they're just places that scheme to get your money.
me: husb, they don't sell anything.
bryan: exactly. why are they even there?
me: uh, for information?
bryan: still sketchy.
me: husb. i'm sure it has clean bathrooms. and the sign said it has a children's play area. and they give away free popcorn and soda!
bryan: bait, wifey. that's what you call bait. they're trying to lure you in.
me: oh. muh. gah. it is the perfect place for a family to stop and potty and stretch for minute.
bryan: sketchy schemers.
me: what does that even mean? do you think they're going to try to convince you to buy a myrtle beach time share or something?
bryan: probably.
me: where else are we going to stop?
bryan: at a gas station. we need gas anyway. we're not stopping twice.
me: ok, that's fine.
*we make a wrong turn and bry pulls into a gas station to turn around.
bryan: look, here's a gas station.
me: husb, it is in the middle of nowhere and has bars on the two windows. also, it's dirty. do they even have bathrooms?
bryan: fine, wifey. fine. we'll look for somewhere else. oh, look! it 's not just a gas station! it doubles as a liquor store!
me: go.

you want to know where we ended up stopping? bryan insisted on stopping at sparky's...whose 100,254 neon signs boasted a variety of treasures such as seashells, chocolate pecans, hotdogs, and fireworks. and the visitor's center were sketchy schemers...

*as we're pulling away
bryan: i feel like our sparky's experience isn't really complete without fireworks. don't you feel like we should grab some fireworks?
me: no. i feel like next time we're stopping at the visitor's center.
asher: NO!! FIREWORKS!
bryan: yeah, asher! that's my boy!

Saturday, March 23, 2013


nate: oh, letters! let me look at those letters!
me: ok. which letters do you see on this page?
nate: b-o-o-k.
me: good. that spells book. what about this next page?
nate: oh! (points to a question mark on the page) that means question!
me: uhh, yes. it does. how do you know that?

nate thoroughly enjoys memorizing and recalling symbols. he can recognize all of his letters, capital and lower case. he can also recognize his numbers 1-10. and the best part is-he thinks it's fun!

apparently, he has starting learning punctuation as well, although i'm not sure from where he has learned it.


asher: (screeching from the other room) NAAAAAAATE!! STOP IT!
me: hey, asher! can you try to be kind to him? what's going on?
*nate comes dashing into the bedroom where i'm folding laundry
nate: BOOGERS!
*he sticks his finger up my nose, laughs maniacally and runs away
me: OW, TOT!
asher: he was sticking his finger in my nose trying to get boogers!
me: oh.

i suppose, sometimes, it's ok for a big brother to screech at his little brother. like when the little one is jamming his chubby toddler finger so far into the big one's nasal cavity that it temporarily impairs brain function.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

silent treatment

me: thanks for making me finally talk...
bryan: i knew that's what you were waiting on. i just let you simmer over there for a good 15 minutes because i knew you weren't going to be the first one to speak.
me: haha! at one point i thought i heard you snoring and i was getting so mad thinking that you fell asleep without making me tell you what was wrong.
bryan: what?! you rolled over and were absolutely silent at 11 at night and you would've been mad if i had fallen asleep?
me: oh, yeah. i was getting mad already just thinking you had fallen asleep.
bryan: you crazy, boo.
me: i know. i think it's ingrained in my woman DNA.
bryan: it's a little ridiculous to me that you will simmer and stew in silence for however long it takes for me to ask you what is wrong, but when i finally ask you,  your response is, "nothing. i don't know. nothing." and then it takes about another 15 minutes to get to the root of the anger.
me: i know. i agree, it is weird.  
bryan: then why do you do it? can't you just tell me why you are buttsin' me and get it over with?
me: i could, but for some reason i get some kind of sadistic pleasure from the silent treatment.

this conversation took place a few weeks ago in our bed at about 11:30 p.m. on a night when my husband should've been sleeping because he had to get up at 5:30 the next morning to go to work and provide for his ridiculous wife and adorable children. instead of getting his needed sleep, he was patiently waiting for me to be ready to resolve our conflict. i honestly cannot remember why i was angry. that tells you how important the issue apparently was.

 i share this to highlight the craziness my sweet husb has to endure in our marriage and how awesome he is for handling it with such laughter and grace. i share this to remind myself and other wifeys how ineffective, silly, and truly sadistic the silent treatment is. i share this to encourage myself to love my blessing of a husb better by not buttsin' him with silence.

also, to remind myself to resolve conflict as quickly as possible so the husb and i can have fun making out.

i mean, up. making up.

Saturday, March 16, 2013


me: be careful laying right there. you might scratch yourself.
bryan: yeah, at work we have to put up caution tape in danger zones. i feel like i should be taping up your armpits right now.
me: meeeeh.

tis the season once again for regular shaving. meh.