Tuesday, June 18, 2013


bryan: alright, wifey, i'm gonna go ahead and leave. i want to have time to call that guy back on the way there and talk to him if i need to.
me: ok, husb. have fun on your bromance date.
bryan: i will! love you.
me: love you too. oh, and don't be a jerk and stay out until like 2 in the morning and not even bother to call or text or communicate to me in any way that you are still living, k?
bryan: i know. that would be a real a-hole thing to do.
me: for real. tell me about it. *sigh and slow head shake* some people.

my sweet husb is kind and thoughtful and would never do something so inconsiderate. his wifey, on the other hand, may have left for a women's event at church at 6:45 p.m. and stayed until 1:30 a.m. until finally her worried husb called her friend, who happened to be one of the other two women also standing in the empty church parking lot chatting it up to all hours of the morning, to check on the status of his significant other. i tell you, some people are real a-holes.

Saturday, June 8, 2013


nate: mom, are we gowing slwower now? can we go slwow now?
me: we are going slower, babe. we got off of the interstate so we're going the slower speed limit now.
nate: ashewr, we're gowing slower now. we're not on da inewrstate.
asher: nate, i know. i know everything.
nate: but we're going slwow now.
asher: nate! i know! i went to preschool so i know everything now!

although asher did go to an awesome preschool last year, i don't think he's learned everything quite yet.

Friday, June 7, 2013


asher: mom, i would like to play chess. it's kind of like checkers, but it's not. it has better pieces to play with.
nate: can i pway chess, mom?
asher: *scoff* no, nate! chess is really, really hard. you can't just play it!
nate: pweeeeeease, ashewr?
asher: no, nate. my dad already taught me how to play and he didn't teach you yet because it's so hard, but i can play fine.

regular 4 1/2 year old chess master up in here y'all.


asher: mom? is it summer now?
me: yeah, pretty much.
asher: ok, good. now it's time for us to gather up stuff and start burying it in the house for winter.
me: huh?
asher: *he enunciates and speaks louder* IT'S TIME TO BURY STUFF IN THE HOUSE, MOM. LIKE SQUIRRELS. FOR WINTER. *he sighs*

excuse me, sir. i was not aware that our family had adopted the foraging habits of squirrels.

dr. mom

asher: mom, you're a great doctor.
me: well, thanks, bud.
asher: you just washed our ant bites and then put appointment on them and they feel so much better.
me: i'm so glad, bud.
*he squeezes me tight
asher: you're the best doctor i've ever had!

by appointment, he means ointment. and by he's-so-cute-i-could-squitch-him, i mean he's so cute, i literally squitched him.

worm rescue

asher: mom? why are all these worms out?
me: well, it rained a lot this morning and now we've got the sprinkler out so the ground is very wet. worms don't do so well in really wet ground.
asher: oh! we need to move them to a better location!
me: well, we'll have to turn the sprinkler off if you want to do that...
asher: ok! get that sprinkler turned off! i'll keep an eye on the worms!
me: alright.
*i turn the sprinkler off
asher: mom, can you help me gather them up?
me: yeah, bud. here's a handful.
asher: ok, i'm gonna go find a better, drier place for them!
me: sounds good, bud. i'll keep looking for more.
asher: nate! get over here and get some worms! we gotta find a better location for them!

our little emergency worm relocation team led by captain asher was moving handfuls of worms at a time to drier ground. i'm so thankful for asher john's compassionate heart, even when it's for slimy, half-drowned worms.


me: are you going back to the bathroom before you go to sleep?
bryan: uhh, why? cause if you need me to get you something, then i'll forgo brushing my teeth and just go to sleep.
me: you hates me.
bryan: haha! i'm just kidding. whatcha need, baby?
me: one of those face wipe thingys...
bryan: no. i am not bringing you one of those things so you can swhipe your face in bed and then throw it over me into the floor to be left there for an undetermined amount of time.
me: huuuuuuuusb!
bryan: no, wifey. get out of bed and go wash your filthy face and then throw that junk in the trashcan.
me: huuuuusb! you do hates me.
bryan: go.
me: ok, ok. i'm gooooing!
*i climb out of my snuggly, warm bed.
me: it's pretty remarkable that you knew exactly what i was going to do with that wipey. it definitely was gonna get thrown over you into the floor...

he knows me so well. he also hates doing totally reasonable things for his lazy wife. sigh.