Tuesday, May 28, 2013


asher: mom, i think we should start my homeschool.
me: ok, sure. i've got some stuff pulled together.
asher: yeah, let's start with confernation and suction metals. then we'll do story time and math.
me: uhhh, ok.
asher: and math parties.
me: math parties?
*he cups his hand around his mouth and whispers
asher: math parties is when you have parties and do lots of math. it's fun. you'll like it.
me: well, alright then.

story time? check. i am all about story time and children's literature and yadda, yadda, yadda. someone's gonna have to help a momma out with confernation (must be a new subject) and suction metals (it sounds so legit that i want to believe he didn't just make it up on the spot) and, perhaps the most dreaded of all, MATH PARTIES?!?! how dare he combine something as wonderful as a party with something as frustrating as math...how dare he.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

facebook status

bryan: you thought my comment about formaldehyde in johnson & johnson soap was funny enough to post on facebook?
me: funny enough for Facebook, but not funny enough to make the blog cut...
bryan: oh, wow. i'll try harder next time.
me: speaking of the blog, you didn't think my new posts today were funny enough to even like on facebook?!
bryan: wifey, i don't like anything on facebook.
me: you are so bad at interacting with your wifey via facebook. sheesh. i need you to like everything i ever post ever.
bryan: you crazy, boo.

*later this conversation happened on my facebook wall-
Wow, it's so amazing how much I like all of your facebook postings...(Does this cover all future postings that I probably will forget to like?)
Unlike · 

he DOES love me, y'all. sometimes he just forgets how important marital communication via facebook is...

Friday, May 17, 2013


me: asher, this is just a story. the bad guys in this book say some really ugly things to other people. the ugly people say ugly things. we want to be careful not to treat others the way these guys do so we don't want to repeat the ugly things they say.
asher: yeah, they say ugly things like robbers say ugly things.
me: ok. yeah.
asher: yeah, cause robbers say things like, "i'm gonna take all of your stuff and even your whole house!" and that's ugly. we shouldn't say that.
me: no, we shouldn't.
asher: yeah. and the robbers live in their little robber houses so they think they need to steal other people's big ol' houses, but they don't.
me: no, they don't.
asher: yeah, cause that's being greedy.
me: yes, it is.
asher: they should just go to the robber store and buy a bigger robber house with their robber money instead of stealing.

asher watched part of the movie matilda on tv the other night, but it was time for him to go to bed before it was over. i told him i would get the book for him at the library so he could see how the story ended. however, some of the villians in the book say some really ugly things to each other and i wanted to make sure he knew he shouldn't speak to people the way the bad guys did. i'm not sure why we started talking about robbers and their practices, but there you have it.

in summation, if you're considering a life of robbery in which you wish to steal another person's entire house, please choose to not be so ugly and greedy and instead take yourself down to your local robber store where you can purchase your own robber house with your robber money. thank you for your consideration.


asher: mom? i'm gonna skateboard to bed!
me: ok, sure.
*he pretends to ride a skateboard to his bedroom
asher: mom? can i sleep with my skateboard?
me: yep.
*he makes a big scene about heaving his imaginary skateboard into his bed
asher: whew. i have two so it's pretty hard. one of them has flames on it and is really fast. the other one is fluffy and doesn't have wheels so that i can sleep on it.
me: oh, cool.
asher: i can also do some really cool tricks on them.
me: sounds awesome, bud. i would love to seem them in the morning.

somebody watched Xgames skateboarders on the half pipe before bed...


asher: naaaaaate! stop it!
nate: i wanna see, ashewr!!!
asher: naaaaate! don't hit me!
nate: uh! stop it, ashewr!
asher: mooooooooom! nate is hitting me!
me: bud, i'm about to dry my hair. work it out amongst yourselves. hit him back if he won't stop.
asher: ok! nate i'm gonna hit you back if you don't stop hitting me!
*i hear a slap and anticipate a crying nater tot, but instead i hear...
nate: awwww, ashewr. i wove you.
asher: nate, why are you hugging me? i hit you back.
nate: but i wove you, brover.
asher: ok, ok i love you too.

bry and i joke that nate's love language is wrestling. he is so physical and always hitting or jumping or somersaulting or pushing. apparently, asher was speaking his love language when he hit nate back because instead of crying, the tot just needed to pause and express his admiration for his brother.

also, i realize that you guys are in awe of my wonderful parental guidance. i'm sure the phrases "work it out amongst yourselves" and "hit him back if he won't stop" are in the awesome parenting handbook. sometimes a momma just gotta do what a momma gotta do to get things done. don't hate.

Thursday, May 9, 2013


bryan: so, when i'm problem solving, i'm on a computer all day and i can get e-mails. so hit me up, boo.
me: OMMMMGGG! WE CAN TOTALLY E-MAIL FLIRT NOW!!! i love you, hot stuff.
bryan: shoot, i know. you gonna e-mail me a hot picture that i can make my desktop background? of the whole family, of course.
me: sure. nuuuudey styyyle coming up!
bryan: i hope they aren't looking at these e-mails...i love you.
me: hahahahaha! i hope they are!

of course, i did no such thing as send such a picture, nor would i ever, but it is funny to think about some amazon executive taking the time to read our ridiculous e-mails.

rap star

me: what are you doing with the cat toy, asher?
asher: it's a lasso, mom.
me: oh. it looks more like a whip, i think.
asher: no, mom, it's a lasso. see? 
* he throws it at a tree branch and the string wraps around. 
me: ohhh, ok. 
asher: i'm a cowboy with a lasso. 
me: i see that now. cool, dude.
*much to my surprise and pleasure, he starts rapping
asher: i'm a cowboy with my lasso. i'm bringing things to tha ground cuz my lasso's jus ra ra ra wrapping around. i'm gonna lasso a cat and bring it downtown to tha ground. i'm gonna lasso a cow and bring it downtown to tha ground. i'm a cowboy with a lasso and it's ra ra ra wrapping around and bringing things to tha ground! 
me: wow. excellent. 

i promise you, i am not making this up. i know you're really impressed, but he won't be giving autographs until he can sign the letters of his name in the right order, so contain yo'self. i hope he's one of those sweet rap stars who takes his mom with him as his date to the award shows. i'll say really embarrassing stuff during his red carpet interviews like, "yeah, when he spit his first rhyme about lassoing a cat, i knew he was going places in this business." 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

the courage of mothers pt.1

asher: mom, when you were little like me you didn't have any babies in your belly.
me: nope.
asher: but then you got big and you met daddy. i was up in heaven with God, but then He put me in your tummy and started sewing me together and then when He was done i came out of that.
*he gestures towards my stomach and the regions below. we've had a vague and age appropriate conversation about how babies are born,  and although he's not quite sure of the details, he knows that babies come from the tummy and beyond.
me: yes! when it was time, God formed you exactly as he wanted you to be and then he choose you to be our baby boy. daddy and i are so very thankful for you, bud.

bryan and i believe that every child, from conception, is tenderly and purposefully formed by an intentional God. we're trying to teach our children to value life as much as we do. we're working to teach them that God's plans and timing are lovely and good and that He doesn't make mistakes.

that being said, our first two pregnancies happened so easily and unexpectedly that, if we were inclined to believe differently, we might call them accidents. a missed pill in a forgetful moment or an empty box of condoms in the heat of the moment, and a gestation period later, we had a tiny bundle of joy. this is exactly what happened both times. we never tried or agonized or planned. we just did what married people do. not only were our conceptions easy, but our pregnancies were also a breeze. no puffy swelling, no excruciating back pain, no gestational diabetes, no pre-term labor. and as for labor and delivery, well, naturally it was painful, but there were no abnormal complications or problems.

HOWEVER, although our 2 pregnancies were easy peasy from start to finish, we were no strangers to how complicated and devastating a pregnancy could be. during the roughly 3 years that bry and i were making and having our two boys (they are 23 months apart), some of our dearest friends- you know the ones who we call friends, but they are much more like family-were going through baby-related struggles that we had never had to face.  tragedies like infertility and miscarriage were things we were walking through with our friends. we cried with them. we prayed with them. we tried to give them hope. but, let's be honest, how can the easy peasy baby makers who had never encountered the slightest threat of complication truly relate to such pain and loss?

truthfully, we couldn't. oh, i tried. don't think i didn't try. as a mother of two healthy boys i tried to imagine what i would feel if one of my children were suddenly taken away. if they were supposed to be in my arms, but they weren't. if their seat at our table suddenly was empty, when i knew it should be filled. if we had already chosen names weighted with so much meaning and promise to simply have them left hanging in the air with no child to attach them to. i tried so hard to empathize and comfort. mostly i just tried to listen. to give these beautiful women whom i loved so much a chance to let their pain out and to deal with their broken hearts and crushed hopes safely and without condemnation.

i did not do it perfectly. i know i said some things that were not what they needed to hear. i know i unintentionally added to their hurt even while i was trying to help heal. praise Jesus for grace. i think the most important thing i learned from walking through dark places with dear ones (not that it matters if i learned a thing since it was not about me or my hurt, but about them and theirs) is that these beautiful, brave friends were not just women who had lost an amniotic sac filled with tissue and blood. these women were MOTHERS who had lost their CHILDREN. they had hopes for their babies just as i had for mine, only theirs had been crushed and lost and taken too soon.

as i said, bry and i sincerely believe that our God never makes mistakes. even in the midst of tragedy and loss, He has not messed up, nor has He forgotten. it's hard to understand. even harder to have the faith to believe it's true. in the midst of such devastation God proves Himself faithful and good.

so here's to the brave mamas who stand beside me in the ranks of motherhood with empty arms and crushed hopes. may you find that-

The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit. Psalm 34:18

GraceLaced Mondays