Monday, July 30, 2012

pool time

me: come here, bud, and let me put some sunscreen on you.
*he lies down in the floor, holds up his leg, and says,
asher: ahhhhh, i can't wait kick off my boots, dig my paws in the sand, and get in the pool.
me: what?? you don't have boots...or paws.
asher: yeah, i know.
me: where did you hear that?
asher: kwazii.

the boys love the octonauts. even little nate will bring me the remote and say, "ocnots!"

turtle man

asher: uhhh, mom?
me: yeah, bud?
*he looks up at me and smiles sheepishly
asher: um, mom? do you think, maybe, we could pretend there's creatures in the house and i'm turtle man and i will catch all of them for us?
me: sure, bud. after you finish brushing your teeth.

my little turtle man caught, bagged and released a flying squirrel and a moose that he found under the bed. he ended each successful capture with the turtle man call, "yiyiyiyiyi live action!"

have you seen the turtle man? what little boy wouldn't want to catch and release wild critters?

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

new dress

have you heard of twice? it's an online resale store. i've been browsing around over there for a few weeks because i think it's a neat idea. however, i've never seen anything that caught my eye...until today! i found this dress and thought it was adorable (plus i already have shoes that match!), so i used my $10 credit i got when i signed up and snagged that thing for 16 bucks! it's from the limited and originally $107.99!

however, i'm a little nervous because normally i like to try things on before i spend money on them. has anyone ever used this site before?? i'll let you know what i think of the whole experience when the dress arrives.

late night of shame and hilarity

i'm hesitant to post this. thankfully, only a few people that i have to face in person read this blog so i shouldn't have to face overwhelming embarrassment. this happened last night:

me: husb! go to sleep! it's so late! stop slumber partying me!
*he wraps himself up in the entire blanket, leaving me unsnuggled and chilly
me: seriously?! did you just blanket burrito me?!
bry: yep.
me: but i'll freeze!
bry: you can stick you hands on my butt cheeks to keep them warm.
me: yeah, but what about the rest of me? your butt's not that big.
bry: ok, fine.
*he covers me back up with the blanket
me: thank you. now, go to sleep.
bry: i can't! i just got a second wind!
me: here's a second wind for ya!
*i fan the blanket
bry: did you really just say, "here's a second wind for ya" and fan your fart in my face?!
me: hahahaha! *laughing so hysterically that i can barely communicate* i did! that was SO funny!
bry: oh my gosh. you have to post this on your blog. if you don't, i'm going to hack it and post it for you. you always make me look crazy, but now it's your turn.

there you go, husb. i posted that junk. cuz i love you, boo.

Monday, July 23, 2012


*asher comes and finds me in the laundry room 
asher: mom? the guy on the tv said spongebob is up next.
me: ok, babe.
asher: you should probably come and turn it because you know how you don't want me watching spongebob.
me: yep.

i don't have a vendetta against spongebob. i realize that when asher gets older he may want to watch it and that's fine. i just feel like, if he's going to watch tv, there are better shows on for a 3 year old. i mentioned one day that i didn't like spongebob as i turned the channel. now, every time asher hears that it's coming on, he comes to find me so that i can change it. i admit, i'm a little impressed with this behavior.


me: i don't know if it was the salty air or just being outside so much or what, but my arms have dry patches. they're all scaley.
husb: are you sure you didn't get bitten by a radio-active iguana at the beach?
me: i don't think so. maybe i did.
husb: yeah.
me: that might be cool because then i could get super powers.

i'm not sure what kind of super powers a radio-active iguana would yield, but they would probably be wondrous.

in the car

bryan: oh, the offspring. it's a good morning for radio.
*he turns up the radio in the car
me: you know, i've never really cared for the offspring.
bryan: whaaat?
me: that guy sings like this no matter what he's saying and it always sounds the same with no inflection or change eevvvvveeerrrrr.
*i do an awesomely spot-on impression of offspring singer guy.
bryan: that sounded nothing like him.
me: huuuusb, that sounded exactly like him!
bryan: you know what that sounded like? your anus coming out of your mouth.
me: i believe the official term for that is inverted anal reflux.
bryan: no, it's actually called anus reducto buttoxi.
me: i think that may be a harry potter spell, husb.
bryan: well, if it is, somebody cast it on you!

i'm thinking of installing a dash camera in our car so that i can have all of our awesome car conversations on record. also, i would like to watch our dancing/ singing jam sessions that spontaneously occur when we hear such musical gems as call me, maybe or it's getting hot in herr.
*notice that i did not include anything by the offspring in the musical gems examples.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012


papa: elise! come here!
me: yeah?
papa: asher, tell mama what you just told me.
asher: boogers are good for me!
*he sticks a booger in his mouth
me: ewww! what?!
papa: he told me that it was ok if he eats his boogers because his mama told him that boogers are good for him.
me: haha! i never said that, asher john!

as clever as the mama-said-it's-good-for-me argument is, stop eating your boogs, dude.

Monday, July 9, 2012


asher: i had so much fun today, mom.
me: im so glad, bud. i'm so proud of you for running the bases all by yourself!
asher: yeah, but i ran them with my friend, logan.
me: oh, yeah. you and logan ran together.
asher: yeah, who's logan again?
me: you tell me, silly.
asher: logan is my friend in the green shirt.
me: he was wearing a green shirt tonight.
asher: yeah, and then we won the race and got a prize!

bryan, asher, and i went with our church to a greenville drive baseball game yesterday. i don't think asher watched a single play, but he had so much fun playing with his buddy, logan. after the game was over, the kids got to go down and run the bases. at the end of the run, they were given a frisbee. that was definitely asher's favorite part!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

magic mimi

imagine with me, if you will, this hypothetical conversation...

bryan: hey, babe. me and the boys are going to see that new movie "magic mimi" tonight. 
me: huh?!
bryan: yeah, you know, the one with all of those really hot girls playing strippers. man, i hope it's in 3-D so their boobs look so real i could touch them. 
me: whaaaat?!
bryan: darling, it's just a movie. besides, you should be excited too because after i've been watching those girls strip for a few hours, you'll be getting lucky when i get home. 
me: excuse me?!

and that's about the time i would start screaming, weeping, and probably throwing blunt objects in his general direction. why, you ask? because i am jealous for my husb. i want his love and affection and sexual desire to be found in me and no one else. now, the above conversation would never, ever happen in my home. my husband loves me and makes me feel like i'm the only beautiful woman he has ever seen. he is careful to guard his heart and mind from other things that may tempt him to stray. and although no marriage is perfect, me and the husb have a pretty dang awesome one. and since i am SO proud to be his wifey and i want to keep our marriage healthy, i refuse to spend money on smut like magic mike. 

for a few weeks now, i've been pondering writing a blog about how disappointed i've been in my fellow women for supporting the sketchyness that is ol' magic mikey. all of those excuses and reasons in the above conversation are ones i've heard or read women use. however, this girl expresses my convictions way better (and probably kinder and gentler) than i would. so, please, go read her blog.