road trip

me: why don't we just stop at the visitor's center? it's coming up in a few miles.
bryan: no. definitely not.
me: why not?
bryan: because visitor's centers are sketchy.
me: what? why?
bryan: i don't know. they're just places that scheme to get your money.
me: husb, they don't sell anything.
bryan: exactly. why are they even there?
me: uh, for information?
bryan: still sketchy.
me: husb. i'm sure it has clean bathrooms. and the sign said it has a children's play area. and they give away free popcorn and soda!
bryan: bait, wifey. that's what you call bait. they're trying to lure you in.
me: oh. muh. gah. it is the perfect place for a family to stop and potty and stretch for minute.
bryan: sketchy schemers.
me: what does that even mean? do you think they're going to try to convince you to buy a myrtle beach time share or something?
bryan: probably.
me: where else are we going to stop?
bryan: at a gas station. we need gas anyway. we're not stopping twice.
me: ok, that's fine.
*we make a wrong turn and bry pulls into a gas station to turn around.
bryan: look, here's a gas station.
me: husb, it is in the middle of nowhere and has bars on the two windows. also, it's dirty. do they even have bathrooms?
bryan: fine, wifey. fine. we'll look for somewhere else. oh, look! it 's not just a gas station! it doubles as a liquor store!
me: go.

you want to know where we ended up stopping? bryan insisted on stopping at sparky's...whose 100,254 neon signs boasted a variety of treasures such as seashells, chocolate pecans, hotdogs, and fireworks. and the visitor's center were sketchy schemers...

*as we're pulling away
bryan: i feel like our sparky's experience isn't really complete without fireworks. don't you feel like we should grab some fireworks?
me: no. i feel like next time we're stopping at the visitor's center.
asher: NO!! FIREWORKS!
bryan: yeah, asher! that's my boy!