a gross attempt at baby giggles

working hard

me: asher, please don't push on the keyboard. mama is trying to finish her paper.
asher: nope!
*he pushes the keys like a mad man
me: asher! i'm trying to work here!
asher: no, mama I trying to work hard.
me: you're working hard?
asher: yes, but i jus need to push dem buttons.

stinkers are a hindrance to getting work done.

 a hilarious, stubborn, cuddly, sometimes-just-gotta-squish-him-because-he's-so-dang-cute hindrance.

termi-NATE-or

bryan is holding baby nate...

bryan: the terminator!! fighting all the bad guys and saving all the womens!!! (he's singing this and making nate dance to his song. i start laughing)
bryan: what you laughing at, wifey?
me: your little song.
bryan: that's what men do, wifey! fight them bad guys and save all the womens!


i'm so thankful that i've got three bad-guy-fighting, womens-saving men in my life. it is quite a blessing to get to do life with my 3 guys.

nose pickery

me and the husb are both admitted nose pickers. everyone has to pick their nose at some point or they would have such fierce booger build up that it would hinder their ability to breathe. don't pretend like you don't do it. i won't believe you.


me: can you hand me a kleenex? i got boogs.
husb: no, quit having boogs! just sprinkle them on the floor. we vacuum pretty regularly.
me: huuuuuuusb!

since we already established that everyone picks their nose it's safe to assume that everyone also has a different style of nose pickery. bryan is a sprinkler. he also has been known to swipe them under the seat of the car while driving. i, on the other hand, prefer a flicking method or just a kleenex (bryan needed me to tell you that he has been the victim of many a boogy flick.)

i just felt the need to let you in on our most intimate secrets.

you should know that i giggled the whole time i was typing this because i think we're so dang funny. i apologize if boogies gross you out, but, like i said, you gotta do something with those guys as to avoid nostril incapacitation.

an excuse to avoid spring cleaning?

bry: we should probably try to do something about those cobwebs up there.
me: yeah, i've noticed them too.
*pause
me: husb, let's just leave them there and they can be cool decorations for halloween!
bry: in our seminary housing where we're not allowed to decorate for halloween?
me: it's natural decor, husb. we didn't put them there.
bry: or maybe we could have a judgement house!
me: yeah!!!

all that to say, we should probably do some spring cleaning and get on those cobwebs.

just call me sarge

me: ok, asher. you have to be still because i'm changing a stinky poopy. no kicking.
asher: yeah, dat's a big ol' poopy.
me: yep.
asher: sheeeeeeeeeew. it stinky.
me: yep. you need to tell me when you need to go poo-poo so that you can use the potty like a big boy.
asher: yeah.
*he looks down at me cleaning his dirty bottom.
asher: i jus got chokate ice cweam on da butt.
me: ew. i hope not.

gross, i know.

in other potty-related news, asher has been consistently going for long periods of time without going pee or poop in his diaper. i've noticed a couple of times that he's made it all the way through nap without going. this morning we went to the park and by the time we got home and ate lunch, it was time for nap. i got ready to change his diaper and noticed it was still dry! he had gone almost 2 1/2 hours without peepsing or poopsing! so i decided he should sit on the potty before going down for a nap. and we sat...

and sat...

and read a book about a little boy who goes potty and then gets to wear big boy undawears. apparently, not a very convincing read because we still sat...

and sat...

and finally mama decided that her little stinker was just stalling so he wouldn't have to go take a nap...

so he went down for his nap and when he woke up he peed and pooped in his diaper.

a friend told me about a 3-day potty training bootcamp. i think it's about time to get serious with his stubborn booty. oh, you'll know when i decide to get started. it should produce some extremely frustratingly funny, blog-worthy moments.

maybe i'll even make asher start calling me sarge.

wake up call

in the wee hours of the morning, i felt something poke me in the eye as i was sleeping. i opened my other non-poke-impaired eye to find asher standing next to the bed trying to put my glasses on my face for me.

me: what are you doing? (i groggily whisper)
asher: gotta get dese gwasses on, mama. (he whispers back)
me: it's not time to get up yet. what time is it?
asher: i not know. yes, it time to get up.
*i check my phone which says 6:32 a.m.
me: 6:30. shewf.
asher: get up, mama.
me: i don't wanna. it's too early.
asher: it time a get up now, mama. gotta go in der now.
me: ugh. ok, i'm coming.

i have a feeling this conversation will be reversed in a few years.

except maybe i will decide to homeschool and then i can decide when school starts and we can all sleep gloriously late.

and by "gloriously late" i mean like 8:00 in the morning.

because that sounds glorious and late to me these days.

the mommy look

they say every mommy has a look that strikes fear into the hearts of their children...

me: ok, bud. it's time to get out of the bath and get dried off.
asher: NOOOOOOOOOOO! (he yells at me)
me: *i don't say a word. i just mommy stare him down.
asher: ok! sowry, mama. i try and get out now.
*he immediately scoots his little booty right out of the tub
me: thank you, asher.

i just feel like i've hit a milestone in mommydom.

and now it's on like donkey kong! woot woot!

let the fear and trembling commence among the offspring of the clan of mcclelland for mother hath perfected her dreaded mommy look!

don't make me give you the look. it's a dangerous weapon, but i'm not afraid to use it.

can you tell i'm proud of myself?

the manboy

bryan, asher, baby nate and i were all sitting on the couch together this fine saturday morning when asher graced us with hiking his little booty up and pooting three times in a row!! bryan and i both look at him in surprise. he looks from me to bryan and with a sweet, sheepish grin says-

asher: sowry! i just poots!
bry: you pooted?! you got poots?!
asher: yes...
me: hahahahaha

just like a man...or boy...just like a manboy!

confession #6: why we're straight up crazy parents

1. we're seriously considering homeschooling
not because i want my kids to live in a christian-bubble-pseudo reality, but because i want to have the chance to build a firm foundation before i thrust them into the hard-knock public school system. i want them to be confident and capable of making their own decisions without being swayed by the public opinion. i want them to spend the majority of their time in a loving, encouraging, and secure environment and to not have to worry about keeping up with everyone else. i want them to have some idea of who they are and who they want to become before a bazillion different people are telling them a bazillion different things they have to say and do to be "cool." i've heard horror stories of kids having sex in the 5th grade, of lesbianism being the cool thing to do in middle school, and of a first grader bringing a condom to school and explaining what it is used for. don't get me wrong, i totally understand that homeschooling won't make my children's lives problem-free and easy breezy and i don't want them to be sheltered, anti-social mama's boys, but i believe (and have seen) that homeschooling can be done effectively and non-awkward-children-producingly. so scoff if you want, but we're considering giving it a try.

2. our kids will never have cable TV access or computers in their bedrooms
thus far in our lives, the Lord has blessed us with two sweet, baby boys who will eventually become two, maturing teenage boys.

and teenage boys like to look at naked girls.

and pornography is way too easily accessible and way too dangerous.

therefore, as long as they're living under our roof, they will never have a computer or cable tv in their room. they just won't. end of discussion. i don't care how responsible and innocent they may seem, easy-eye access to sex and naked girls is just too much of a temptation for most teenage boys to resist (and latest statistics show this applies to girls now too.) their future wives can thank me later.

3. we won't teach our kids that santa claus is a real person
why do people get so worked up about this issue? some people get really upset when we tell them this. i mean, it's not like we've decided to lie to our kids and teach them that a fictional character is real so that we can use him to manipulate their behavior thus teaching them to live a works-based lifestyle so that if they're "good" by a certain fictional character's standards then they get rewarded for it...oh, wait. and what about the kids whose parents can't afford tons of presents? does that teach them it's because they're perpetually naughty? a professor at NGU once told us that when he found out his parents had been lying to him about santa claus that it shook the foundations of his faith in Christ as well. if his parents were lying to him about that, then why should he believe the stories about God that they had told him? that's pretty much when we decided that believing in santa wasn't really worth it. the issue isn't that we want to stifle their imagination, but that we don't want to outright lie to them. we don't mind if our kids enjoy watching santa movies and reading santa books, but we refuse to play the santa's-really-watching-you game. please don't try to make us feel like we are ruining their childhood. there are other ways to encourage an awesome imagination. i promise we won't condition them to break the news of santa's fictionality to every kid they meet. this is a interesting article by mark driscoll on the subject.

4. they won't have a cell phone until they are driving
call me crazy, but why do 8 year olds need cell phones? i am terribly confused as to why your young child would be in a situation where there's not an adult around with access to a phone in case they need to get in touch with you. when they're old enough to drive by themselves and they may need a cell in case of an emergency, then they can have one. go ahead, i already gave you permission to call me crazy.

5. we will discipline 
please, parents, take the time and effort to discipline your children. do it for their sake. no one wants to be around a bratty, spoiled, gotta-have-my-way-or-i'll-pitch-a-fit whiner baby. i certainly don't want to have to endure them and i don't want my kids picking up any of their bad habits. teach your kids right from wrong. i understand that kids have little rebellious sinner's hearts just like the rest of us and sometimes they are disobedient and selfish no matter how well-disciplined they are, but sometimes they are brats because their parents just won't get them under control. we have decided to dare to discipline our children (thanks, dr. dobson, for that catchy phrase) no matter how difficult or tedious or repetitive it may be, it's worth it for us and them in the long run.

i told you, we are straight up crazy parents...

and we're decidedly ok with that.