asher: dear God, thank you for my family and everything you do. please help all the people to eat enough fiber so that their poopoo doesn't hurt their booty...and so they won't have to get medicine on their booty. just help them to eat fiber. i love you. amen.
this prayer is amusing on its own. however, if you know asher's papa, then it's hilarious. afterwards, we asked him why he prayed that and he said,
asher: i just hope people eat fiber so their booties don't hurt when they poop.
eat more fiber, people. release that boy from his burden.
Monday, April 1, 2013
marriage
asher: mom, when i grow up, i will get married with you.
me: well, you won't get married with me, but you can get married when you grow up.
asher: but why can't i marry you?
me: because i'm already married to daddy and i'm already part of your family. you can't marry girls who are already married or already in your family.
asher: oh. so i can't marry gangee either?
me: no...
asher: aunt amber?
me: nope.
asher: well, who can i marry?
me: it'll probably be a girl who is your friend and then you'll fall in love and decide to get married.
asher: but i already love you, so i'll just marry you.
me: no, you'll marry another girl. like elizabeth.
asher: nooo, mom. elizabeth is a little girl. a girl has to be big like you to get married.
me: well, by the time you're ready to marry, she'll be bigger. so will you.
asher: yeah in about this many years i'll be ready to marry.
*he holds up 10 fingers.
me: uhhh, something like that.
asher: yeah, so i guess i'll just marry elizabeth.
me: you've got time to think about it, bud. why do you want to get married?
asher: can you tell me?
me: well, why were you thinking about it?
asher: i was just laying here wondering who i was gonna get married with and i thought it was gonna be you.
sweet, sweet boy.
me: well, you won't get married with me, but you can get married when you grow up.
asher: but why can't i marry you?
me: because i'm already married to daddy and i'm already part of your family. you can't marry girls who are already married or already in your family.
asher: oh. so i can't marry gangee either?
me: no...
asher: aunt amber?
me: nope.
asher: well, who can i marry?
me: it'll probably be a girl who is your friend and then you'll fall in love and decide to get married.
asher: but i already love you, so i'll just marry you.
me: no, you'll marry another girl. like elizabeth.
asher: nooo, mom. elizabeth is a little girl. a girl has to be big like you to get married.
me: well, by the time you're ready to marry, she'll be bigger. so will you.
asher: yeah in about this many years i'll be ready to marry.
*he holds up 10 fingers.
me: uhhh, something like that.
asher: yeah, so i guess i'll just marry elizabeth.
me: you've got time to think about it, bud. why do you want to get married?
asher: can you tell me?
me: well, why were you thinking about it?
asher: i was just laying here wondering who i was gonna get married with and i thought it was gonna be you.
sweet, sweet boy.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
road trip
me: why don't we just stop at the visitor's center? it's coming up in a few miles.
bryan: no. definitely not.
me: why not?
bryan: because visitor's centers are sketchy.
me: what? why?
bryan: i don't know. they're just places that scheme to get your money.
me: husb, they don't sell anything.
bryan: exactly. why are they even there?
me: uh, for information?
bryan: still sketchy.
me: husb. i'm sure it has clean bathrooms. and the sign said it has a children's play area. and they give away free popcorn and soda!
bryan: bait, wifey. that's what you call bait. they're trying to lure you in.
me: oh. muh. gah. it is the perfect place for a family to stop and potty and stretch for minute.
bryan: sketchy schemers.
me: what does that even mean? do you think they're going to try to convince you to buy a myrtle beach time share or something?
bryan: probably.
me: where else are we going to stop?
bryan: at a gas station. we need gas anyway. we're not stopping twice.
me: ok, that's fine.
*we make a wrong turn and bry pulls into a gas station to turn around.
bryan: look, here's a gas station.
me: husb, it is in the middle of nowhere and has bars on the two windows. also, it's dirty. do they even have bathrooms?
bryan: fine, wifey. fine. we'll look for somewhere else. oh, look! it 's not just a gas station! it doubles as a liquor store!
me: go.
you want to know where we ended up stopping? bryan insisted on stopping at sparky's...whose 100,254 neon signs boasted a variety of treasures such as seashells, chocolate pecans, hotdogs, and fireworks. and the visitor's center were sketchy schemers...
*as we're pulling away
bryan: i feel like our sparky's experience isn't really complete without fireworks. don't you feel like we should grab some fireworks?
me: no. i feel like next time we're stopping at the visitor's center.
asher: NO!! FIREWORKS!
bryan: yeah, asher! that's my boy!
bryan: no. definitely not.
me: why not?
bryan: because visitor's centers are sketchy.
me: what? why?
bryan: i don't know. they're just places that scheme to get your money.
me: husb, they don't sell anything.
bryan: exactly. why are they even there?
me: uh, for information?
bryan: still sketchy.
me: husb. i'm sure it has clean bathrooms. and the sign said it has a children's play area. and they give away free popcorn and soda!
bryan: bait, wifey. that's what you call bait. they're trying to lure you in.
me: oh. muh. gah. it is the perfect place for a family to stop and potty and stretch for minute.
bryan: sketchy schemers.
me: what does that even mean? do you think they're going to try to convince you to buy a myrtle beach time share or something?
bryan: probably.
me: where else are we going to stop?
bryan: at a gas station. we need gas anyway. we're not stopping twice.
me: ok, that's fine.
*we make a wrong turn and bry pulls into a gas station to turn around.
bryan: look, here's a gas station.
me: husb, it is in the middle of nowhere and has bars on the two windows. also, it's dirty. do they even have bathrooms?
bryan: fine, wifey. fine. we'll look for somewhere else. oh, look! it 's not just a gas station! it doubles as a liquor store!
me: go.
you want to know where we ended up stopping? bryan insisted on stopping at sparky's...whose 100,254 neon signs boasted a variety of treasures such as seashells, chocolate pecans, hotdogs, and fireworks. and the visitor's center were sketchy schemers...
*as we're pulling away
bryan: i feel like our sparky's experience isn't really complete without fireworks. don't you feel like we should grab some fireworks?
me: no. i feel like next time we're stopping at the visitor's center.
asher: NO!! FIREWORKS!
bryan: yeah, asher! that's my boy!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
ABC's
nate: oh, letters! let me look at those letters!
me: ok. which letters do you see on this page?
nate: b-o-o-k.
me: good. that spells book. what about this next page?
nate: oh! (points to a question mark on the page) that means question!
me: uhh, yes. it does. how do you know that?
nate thoroughly enjoys memorizing and recalling symbols. he can recognize all of his letters, capital and lower case. he can also recognize his numbers 1-10. and the best part is-he thinks it's fun!
apparently, he has starting learning punctuation as well, although i'm not sure from where he has learned it.
me: ok. which letters do you see on this page?
nate: b-o-o-k.
me: good. that spells book. what about this next page?
nate: oh! (points to a question mark on the page) that means question!
me: uhh, yes. it does. how do you know that?
nate thoroughly enjoys memorizing and recalling symbols. he can recognize all of his letters, capital and lower case. he can also recognize his numbers 1-10. and the best part is-he thinks it's fun!
apparently, he has starting learning punctuation as well, although i'm not sure from where he has learned it.
boogers
asher: (screeching from the other room) NAAAAAAATE!! STOP IT!
me: hey, asher! can you try to be kind to him? what's going on?
*nate comes dashing into the bedroom where i'm folding laundry
nate: BOOGERS!
*he sticks his finger up my nose, laughs maniacally and runs away
me: OW, TOT!
asher: he was sticking his finger in my nose trying to get boogers!
me: oh.
i suppose, sometimes, it's ok for a big brother to screech at his little brother. like when the little one is jamming his chubby toddler finger so far into the big one's nasal cavity that it temporarily impairs brain function.
me: hey, asher! can you try to be kind to him? what's going on?
*nate comes dashing into the bedroom where i'm folding laundry
nate: BOOGERS!
*he sticks his finger up my nose, laughs maniacally and runs away
me: OW, TOT!
asher: he was sticking his finger in my nose trying to get boogers!
me: oh.
i suppose, sometimes, it's ok for a big brother to screech at his little brother. like when the little one is jamming his chubby toddler finger so far into the big one's nasal cavity that it temporarily impairs brain function.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
silent treatment
me: thanks for making me finally talk...
bryan: i knew that's what you were waiting on. i just let you simmer over there for a good 15 minutes because i knew you weren't going to be the first one to speak.
me: haha! at one point i thought i heard you snoring and i was getting so mad thinking that you fell asleep without making me tell you what was wrong.
bryan: what?! you rolled over and were absolutely silent at 11 at night and you would've been mad if i had fallen asleep?
me: oh, yeah. i was getting mad already just thinking you had fallen asleep.
bryan: you crazy, boo.
me: i know. i think it's ingrained in my woman DNA.
bryan: it's a little ridiculous to me that you will simmer and stew in silence for however long it takes for me to ask you what is wrong, but when i finally ask you, your response is, "nothing. i don't know. nothing." and then it takes about another 15 minutes to get to the root of the anger.
me: i know. i agree, it is weird.
bryan: then why do you do it? can't you just tell me why you are buttsin' me and get it over with?
me: i could, but for some reason i get some kind of sadistic pleasure from the silent treatment.
this conversation took place a few weeks ago in our bed at about 11:30 p.m. on a night when my husband should've been sleeping because he had to get up at 5:30 the next morning to go to work and provide for his ridiculous wife and adorable children. instead of getting his needed sleep, he was patiently waiting for me to be ready to resolve our conflict. i honestly cannot remember why i was angry. that tells you how important the issue apparently was.
i share this to highlight the craziness my sweet husb has to endure in our marriage and how awesome he is for handling it with such laughter and grace. i share this to remind myself and other wifeys how ineffective, silly, and truly sadistic the silent treatment is. i share this to encourage myself to love my blessing of a husb better by not buttsin' him with silence.
also, to remind myself to resolve conflict as quickly as possible so the husb and i can have fun making out.
i mean, up. making up.
bryan: i knew that's what you were waiting on. i just let you simmer over there for a good 15 minutes because i knew you weren't going to be the first one to speak.
me: haha! at one point i thought i heard you snoring and i was getting so mad thinking that you fell asleep without making me tell you what was wrong.
bryan: what?! you rolled over and were absolutely silent at 11 at night and you would've been mad if i had fallen asleep?
me: oh, yeah. i was getting mad already just thinking you had fallen asleep.
bryan: you crazy, boo.
me: i know. i think it's ingrained in my woman DNA.
bryan: it's a little ridiculous to me that you will simmer and stew in silence for however long it takes for me to ask you what is wrong, but when i finally ask you, your response is, "nothing. i don't know. nothing." and then it takes about another 15 minutes to get to the root of the anger.
me: i know. i agree, it is weird.
bryan: then why do you do it? can't you just tell me why you are buttsin' me and get it over with?
me: i could, but for some reason i get some kind of sadistic pleasure from the silent treatment.
this conversation took place a few weeks ago in our bed at about 11:30 p.m. on a night when my husband should've been sleeping because he had to get up at 5:30 the next morning to go to work and provide for his ridiculous wife and adorable children. instead of getting his needed sleep, he was patiently waiting for me to be ready to resolve our conflict. i honestly cannot remember why i was angry. that tells you how important the issue apparently was.
i share this to highlight the craziness my sweet husb has to endure in our marriage and how awesome he is for handling it with such laughter and grace. i share this to remind myself and other wifeys how ineffective, silly, and truly sadistic the silent treatment is. i share this to encourage myself to love my blessing of a husb better by not buttsin' him with silence.
also, to remind myself to resolve conflict as quickly as possible so the husb and i can have fun making out.
i mean, up. making up.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
early mornings
me: could you hear nate screeching when he woke up this morning?
bryan: no, i can't hear anything when i'm in the shower. was he crying?
me: no, he was screeching: nooooooo! i not wanna take a naaaaaaap!
bryan: like he was mad that he had fallen asleep last night?
me: yes! he was screeching over and over...like a screech owl.
asher: mom? did you know that there is a type of owl called a screech owl?
me: yes, i did.
nate: yeah, i uh owl! hooooooo! hooooooo!
me: yes, you are an owl. a screech owl, to be exact.
nate: hoo! hoo!
asher: no, nate. that's just a regular owl. a screech owl says: screeeee! screeeee!
nate: yeah, asher. screeeee!
asher: mom? dad's phone is like a flashlight. why is he using it like a flashlight?
me: because it's so early and he doesn't want to cut on the big light because it would be way too bright.
this conversation took place at about 6:15 in the morning. as bry used the light from his cell phone to fumble around in the dark and get ready, the boys and i were snuggled down in the bed discussing the technicalities of owl calls. pretty typical morning.
bryan: no, i can't hear anything when i'm in the shower. was he crying?
me: no, he was screeching: nooooooo! i not wanna take a naaaaaaap!
bryan: like he was mad that he had fallen asleep last night?
me: yes! he was screeching over and over...like a screech owl.
asher: mom? did you know that there is a type of owl called a screech owl?
me: yes, i did.
nate: yeah, i uh owl! hooooooo! hooooooo!
me: yes, you are an owl. a screech owl, to be exact.
nate: hoo! hoo!
asher: no, nate. that's just a regular owl. a screech owl says: screeeee! screeeee!
nate: yeah, asher. screeeee!
asher: mom? dad's phone is like a flashlight. why is he using it like a flashlight?
me: because it's so early and he doesn't want to cut on the big light because it would be way too bright.
this conversation took place at about 6:15 in the morning. as bry used the light from his cell phone to fumble around in the dark and get ready, the boys and i were snuggled down in the bed discussing the technicalities of owl calls. pretty typical morning.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
bully
bryan: look at all those fish, nate!
nate: *slaps his hand against the glass causing the fish to scatter in terror
bryan: nate, you can look at the fish, but you can't hit the glass. you're scaring them.
nate: yeah! i scare dem! *hits the glass again and laughs maniacally
bryan: nate! you can't do that!
nate: heh heh heh. i scare dem, dad.
bryan: okay, nate. you are a little fish bully. c'mon, we're going to look at the cats.
since we often frequent target, and since petsmart is right beside target, we sometimes take the boys inside to have a look around. asher likes to ooo and ahh at all the animals. nate likes to terrorize them. typical.
i'm so very thankful for boys full of very different personalities.
nate: *slaps his hand against the glass causing the fish to scatter in terror
bryan: nate, you can look at the fish, but you can't hit the glass. you're scaring them.
nate: yeah! i scare dem! *hits the glass again and laughs maniacally
bryan: nate! you can't do that!
nate: heh heh heh. i scare dem, dad.
bryan: okay, nate. you are a little fish bully. c'mon, we're going to look at the cats.
since we often frequent target, and since petsmart is right beside target, we sometimes take the boys inside to have a look around. asher likes to ooo and ahh at all the animals. nate likes to terrorize them. typical.
i'm so very thankful for boys full of very different personalities.
Monday, February 4, 2013
metallica
me: o.m.gggggg. this metallica song is still on?!
bry: wifey, all of their songs are about 12 minutes long. get over it.
me: is that so you can get in extra head banging time?
bry: i like to think it's so you can have a little recovery time to prepare your brain for some more awesome head banging during the next song.
me: i wish i could have been a fly on the wall when you were in the 8th grade sitting with your buddies in a dark room playing video games and head banging to metallica. hehehe.
bry: it's probably a good thing you didn't, because you couldn't have handled all the awesome in that room.
me: let me clarify and say that if i could see that now, it would be hilarious and endearing. if i would've seen that as a snobby, pubescent girl, i would've steered so very,very far from that room of nerdiness.
bry: you know what you would've done if you saw me simultaneously head banging and killing it playing mah vidjuh games?
me: i would've said, "like, ewww, gah-ross!"
bry: nooo, baby! you would've thrown your panties at me.
me: hahaha! you crazy, boo.
bry: wifey, all of their songs are about 12 minutes long. get over it.
me: is that so you can get in extra head banging time?
bry: i like to think it's so you can have a little recovery time to prepare your brain for some more awesome head banging during the next song.
me: i wish i could have been a fly on the wall when you were in the 8th grade sitting with your buddies in a dark room playing video games and head banging to metallica. hehehe.
bry: it's probably a good thing you didn't, because you couldn't have handled all the awesome in that room.
me: let me clarify and say that if i could see that now, it would be hilarious and endearing. if i would've seen that as a snobby, pubescent girl, i would've steered so very,very far from that room of nerdiness.
bry: you know what you would've done if you saw me simultaneously head banging and killing it playing mah vidjuh games?
me: i would've said, "like, ewww, gah-ross!"
bry: nooo, baby! you would've thrown your panties at me.
me: hahaha! you crazy, boo.
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