slumber party

bry: wifey, why do you snuggle up over here before you go to sleep when you know you're going to become a blazing inferno in a few minutes and have to roll over by yourself?
me: because, husb, i'm trying to cherish my few minutes of snuggling time with you while i can. shush it and go to sleep.
bry: quit trying to make out with me right before bed, woman!
me: huuuuusb! will you stop talking and go to sleep!
bry: hahaha!
me: and by the way, i need you not to ask me any questions that require a response within the first 15 minutes of me waking in the morning. you can talk at me, but not with me.
bry: i understand that you are a butts and cannot function socially first thing in the morning.
me: yep.
bry: and that you hates me.
me: huuuuuusb!
bry: hahahaha!
me: quit trying to slumber party me! go to sleep!

a few things:
1.) somehow, as soon as i fall asleep, i become a heat radiating machine of fire.
2.) it's true, i am socially dysfunctional upon waking.
3.) ignore my husb's accusations of pursuing make out.
4.) i do not hates him.
5.) the husb and i do this thing that i have aptly named slumber partying. it's when we should both be sleeping because we both rise early, but instead we giggle and talk about silly things and are generally ridiculous.

and everyone knows that you cannot slumber party on a week night. save it for the weekend, husb!

a few of my favorites things

the nater tot talks all the time. much of the time he prefers to use his baby gibberish that we have not yet learned to decipher. judging by his serious demeanor and the emotional cadence of his voice, he is communicating very important information in this language, if only we would listen and understand. alas, we have yet to uncover the secrets of the world that he is, no doubt, telling us.

however, he does use some words that we do understand. here are a few of my favorites.

• whenever he holds a phone, or an item that he's pretending is a phone, he pushes it up to his chubby little cheek and says, "heeeelwwwwoooooaaaahhh? helwoah?" it may be the cutest phone greeting you have ever heard. ever.
• asher = "ashure" or usually "aaasshhuuuuuuuuure!" i'm thinking about changing my eldest's name so that i can hear nate call him this forever.
• he also calls asher, "brubber" instead of brother. 
• one of my very favorite things is when he says, "dwumph!" and then he jumps. and by jump, i mean he squats down and then propels himself onto his tippy toes while never really leaving the ground at all. he will dwumph over and over and over again.

he better be coming home from high school telling me that he did awesome in the long dwumph in gym class. when i call him while he's away at college, i need him to answer the phone by saying, "helwwooooaaahhhh?"

or maybe i will just continue to blog about the adorability of his words and allow him to develop normal speech patterns. whatever, i guess.

he also says normal ones like mama, daddy, chootrain, and cheetoh. what's that, you say? not every one and half year old asks for cheetos?  i am ashamed. seriously, i am. those things are stinky and leave florescent orange residue. i do not eat them. however, there are some grandparents in the family who believe kids need cheetos for sustenance.

surprise

bry: wifey?? did you mean to leave your hair on the shower wall?
me: huuuuuusb! did you not notice what shape it was in?!
bry: *sigh* yes, yes, i did.
me: whaaaat? you didn't just love your hair heart surprise?
bry: ugh, wifey. you know i hates hair surprises.
me: husb, that is a handcrafted art form using a unique medium.
bry: *grumble grumble grumbly grumble

the husb hates it when i leave my hair on the shower wall. i usually try to remember to get it down and throw it away when i get out. however, if i know he's going to be showering right after me, sometimes i leave him love notes via hair. this time it was a heart. once, i painstakingly created "i heart u" on the wall. such hair surprises serve the dual purpose of both aggravating bry and making him laugh which happen to be two of my favorite things to do.

marriage is fun, y'all.

prickly

asher: mom? can i sit in your lap?
me: sure, bud.
*he sits down and pats my leg
asher: mom? i think you've got...hold on a minute!
*he runs to get his bug magnifying glass & proceeds to inspect my legs
asher: hmmm...seems like you've got some prickly things sticking out of your legs here...

i suppose, since it's officially summer now and all, that i should commence with the regular leg shaving.

sigh.

protect

asher: can i get up behind you in that chair, mom?
me: i don't think that's a good idea, bud. it might be dangerous because this chair is only made for one person.
asher: don't worry, mom. i will protect you like daddy does. i will keep you safe from monsters and all those bad things.

i probably squitched him so hard that his lungs collapsed after that promise of protection. sheesh, i love that kid.

nap time

me: asher? before you go to sleep, what has been your favorite part of today so far?

asher: umm, when we ate doughnuts. 

me: we didn't eat doughnuts today, babe. 

asher: yeah, well, my favorite part of today was when we were just talking about eating doughnuts. 

he is a child after his mama's own sweets-loving heart. 

jelly

me: asher, if you try this slice of strawberry, i'll give you a granola star.
asher: ok!
*he bites it
me: ok, now chew it up! it's so sweet and yummy!
asher: mmmmhhmmmm.
*he tries to smile while he fights off his gag reflex
me: good job, asher! you ate it! wasn't that delicious?!
asher: yeah. can i have a granola star now?
me: sure. did you know that jelly is made from strawberries? that's where jelly comes from.
asher: yes, and it also comes from jellyfish.

i have to bribe asher to eat things that are good for him (yet another reason why i'm so thankful for the granola stars.) he has a very strong gag reflex and has been known to throw up upon trying healthy things. honestly, i was surprised that he managed to chew and swallow a big chunk of strawberry with minimal gagging.

dessert

me: asher! lunch is ready!
*he comes into the kitchen and sits down
asher: wow, mom! thanks for making my lunch!
me: you're welcome, bud. i'm happy to do it!
asher: i'm going to eat my sandwich and cheese first and then my desserts.
me: ok.
asher: thanks for getting me these desserts, mom.
me: you're welcome.
asher: no, i mean, thanks for giving me these desserts without you saying no to me.

asher's lunch consisted of a toasted whole wheat english muffin with a little bit of jelly and 1/2 a slice of colby jack cheese. his desserts were a cup of healthy yogurt and a homemade granola star. i used this recipe and they taste awesome! i didn't have peanuts on hand, so i melted crunchy peanut butter instead and it worked great. i also added flax seed and chocolate chips. asher and i used star shaped cookie cutters to make granola stars instead of bars. the boys love them because they're getting a special, sweet treat. i love them because they're healthy and i know exactly what's in them. this recipe has definitely become a family favorite!

bungles

me: asher, look at that big ol' bumblebee!
asher: ah! get out of here, bee! shooo!
me: if you don't mess with him, he won't bother you, bud.
asher: mom, i don't like bunglebees! bunglebees chase me and try to get me!

asher has always said bunglebee instead of bumblebee. it is one of the few mispronunciations that he still obliviously uses.

i love it so much. i hope he is still calling them bunglebees when he's 16.

fun

me: asher, it's time to get ready to take a nap. go potty, please.
asher: but, mommy? i don't want to take a nap because if i take a nap, i will miss all my fun.
me: well, you can have some more fun this afternoon when you wake up.
asher: yeah. mom? do you think i can have my fun back tonight?
me: yep. after nap.
asher: good, cus i really like my fun. i can't wait to get it back.

clean

me: nate? what are you doing?
*i hear a scratchy scratchy sound and i turn around from where i'm bent over the tub cleaning
nate: yah.
*he gives me a big grin and continues scrubbing the top of the closed toilet lid with the toilet brush
me: nate! no sir! that's yucky!
*i take the brush away
nate: noooooooooo!

moments before he decided he needed to help, nate had seen me scrubbing out the inside of the toilet with the bowl brush. how cute, clever, and gross all at the same time.

biper

nate: biper!
*he hands me a dipaer
me: do you need your diaper changed?
nate: yah.
* he pats his bottom
nate: poopoo.

i hope this means he'll be easier to potty train than his brother was.

zoo

asher: mom? i think this rhino needs a slide.
me: a slide? ok, i think we can make that.
asher: and the elephant needs a roof, but only a little one. that way he can go in when it's raining, but be in the sun when it's sunny.
me: ok. you color the alligator's box. i think he needs some water.
asher: ok! mom! the ostrich & the zebra cannot live in the same box.
me: well, hand me another box to cut then!


asher, nate and i went to the zoo yesterday with my sister and her son, owen. papa gave us some money to get the boys a gift. we found a cute melissa & doug puzzle with chunky, wooden zoo animals. today, asher and i cut up and colored some old food boxes to make habitats for the animals. i'm pretty sure i had as much fun as he did.

and who knew that rhinos enjoy slides?

cake

me: asher! please stop licking icing and put the lid back on that cake. we have to eat lunch first.
asher: but, mom?
me: yes?
asher: there's just one, tiny piece left in there. are you pretty sure you don't want me to eat it now?
me: yes, i'm sure.
asher: *sigh* oooook.

distracted

asher: mom? i maybe need a little help here.
* he walks out of the bathroom with his underwear around his ankles
me: pulling up your underwear? are they twisted up?
asher: yeah, these undawears are getting a little distracted down there.

chick

asher: hey, you chick!
papa: what? i'm not a chick. i'm a dude. your mama is a chick.
asher: no, she's not.
papa: yes, she is.
asher: no, papa! she's not a chick because she's not an animal.
papa: she is a chick!
asher: no! she doesn't have feathers or a beak for a nose!
papa: hey, chicky chick!
asher: nooooooo!

my father is fond of aggravating. at christmas they had a toy reindeer in a rocking chair that would sing "grandma got run over by a reindeer" if you squeezed it's hoof. we heard variations of the following conversation over and over and over.

papa: asher got run over by a reindeer!
asher: no, papa. that's not how it goes.
papa: oh, i meant, nater got run over by a reindeer!
asher: no, papa! here. i will show you.
*asher squats down in front of the reindeer.
asher: reindeer, i will squeeze your foot and you sing and show papa how it goes, ok?
*before the reindeer finishes-
papa: see, it does say ASHER GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER!!!!
asher: papa! no, you're not listening!!

despite his love of aggravation, papa happens to be a favorite to all of his grandboys.

potty mouth

asher: mom? when you get bigger and you're a big boy then you'll get a diddle like me and nater and daddy.
me: nope, i won't. i'm a girl so that means i will never have a diddle.
asher: oh. we use our diddles to pee, but you're a girl, so you sit down and use your butt.
me: well, sort of.
asher: yeah.
me: yep.
asher: mom, you don't get to have a diddle like us big boys.

apparently, i have a very observant child. also, i need to start locking the bathroom door.

discipline

me: asher, what will happen if you choose to disobey right now?
asher: umm, either i will get a spank or we will go to the jungle.
me: i'm pretty sure we won't be going to the jungle, bud.
asher: awwww...

although going to the jungle does sound more fun than giving spanks.

waffles

asher: mom? can i have a little more syrup?
me: sure.
*i pour his syrup
asher: woah! woah, mom! take it easy with that.


you take it easy with the big boy talk, sir.

the c word

bryan: crap! wifey? i need your help. the trash bag broke!
me: ok.
asher: yeah, crap!
bryan: you can't say that word, asher.
me: you just said it. you should probably apologize.
bryan: ok, bud. i'm sorry. i shouldn't have said that word. you can't say it either.
asher: buuuuuut daaaaaddy! i jus really like you and i want to be jus like you so i'm gonna say crap too.
bryan: oh, boy. we'll have a man heart-to-heart on the way to take the trash off. and don't look at me like that.
me: like what?
bryan: i can see a bazillion different i-told-you-so's in that look.

i realize that crap is a pretty tame word in today's world, but coming from the mouth of a 3 year old it just sounds so wrong.