top chef

bryan: are you trying to give me a heart attack?
me: nope. why?
bryan: then why, knowing how often you accidentally cut yourself, are you using a butcher knife to chop that zucchini?!
me: because you've got the vegetable knife. plus, it's fun to chop things up with this huge knife!
bryan: this isn't a vegetable knife. it's a parring knife. you can use it for meat too.
me: husb, i'm pretty sure that "parring" is french for "vegetable."
bryan: i'm pretty sure your butt is french for vegetable. you're probably growing vegetables out of your butt right now. and quit karate chopping that zucchini with that huge knife!
me: husb, this is how the professionals do it. they chop. i'm just slicin' and dicin', baby!
bryan: if you slice your finger off, i'm gonna punch you in the face!
me: before or after you stifle the bleeding?
bryan: i'll do both at the same time!

i can't help it i'm a professional-butcher-knife-wielding-vegetable-chopper. sometimes the husb gets jealous of my skillzzzzzzz.

do you like how i added a "z" instead of an "s" at the end? i'm of the persuasion that putting a "z" where an "s" should be makes words more legit.

i may or may not have sliced my index finger ever so slightly whilst my husb was not looking.

i kept right on slicin' and dicin' that zucchini though.

because that's how professionalz do it.