information overload

me: can you count these with mommy?
asher: 1, 2, 3, orange, gween, 4!!!

i've been working on numbers, letters, and ABCs with asher. he's doing great with all 3 categories. he can count to 10. sometimes he'll say "5, 6, 5, 6, 5!!" when he's counting, but if i remind him to start at 1 then he can go all the way to 10. he's gotten his colors down really well (gween and yeddow are his favorites) and he's not too shabby with the ABC's either. however, as you can see from the above convo, sometimes he gets a little confused.

daddy kisses

bryan: can i have a kiss, asher?
asher: okay *he kisses his daddy
bryan: thank you, bud!
asher: how bout kiss mama, daddy?
bryan: ok! * bry kisses me
asher: now how bout kiss baby nate, daddy?
bryan: ok! *bry kisses baby nate

bry makes his rounds with kisses whenever he leaves for class, work, or to go to bed. every time, asher makes sure that no one gets left out.

bedtime progress

*while i'm rocking in the chair at bedtime
asher: what doing, mama?
me: i'm sitting in my chair, baby.
asher: oh, ok. you do dat. you sit in dat chair.
me: ok, bud.
asher: ok, my mommy.

our new bedtime routine is as follows:
1) we sit in the bed and read 2-3 books together
    -usually his diggers book, chicka chicka boom boom, and brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?
2) i get up and stand bedside the bed to tuck asher in and say prayers
    -i start the prayer and then he makes me thank God for every little thing he can think of. he starts with mama, daddy, and baby nate, but then says things like, "kank kou lights, mommy," "kank kou door, mommy," "kank kou judahbear, mommy." judahbear is his snuggle buddy now that my belly and i don't stay in the bed with him. bry and i made judahbear at build-a-bear when i was pregnant with asher.
3) i give his sweet, chubby cheeks lots of kisses
    -i'm usually instructed to give judahbear lots of kisses too.
4) he says goodnight to mama's belly
   -this consists of him rubbing my belly, poking my belly button, and saying goodnight to it. weird, i know, but it really does help him detach.
5) i turn off the lamp
  -this is pretty self-explanatory, but i just needed you to know that we found an adorable white, ceramic, teardrop-shaped lamp at target for only $10. then we found an adorable square, burlap-looking shade for $10. i'm in love with this lamp because it looks great in the boys' room, but i could also reuse it anywhere in the house later on if i need to. it makes me smile every time i see it. what can i say? little things make me happy.
6) i sit in the rocking chair
  -we moved the rocking chair as close to the door as we could with the back facing the bed. i started off sitting there until he fell asleep, but now i only stay long enough for him to settle down a bit.
7) i kiss him goodnight one last time
  -after my few minutes of chair time, i kiss him and tell him i love him one last time so that he knows i'm leaving and it's time to sleep.
8) i leave and close his door behind me
  -sometimes he yells for me from the bedroom for a few minutes, but most of the time he goes right to sleep.

i love our new bedtime routine. it works much better for both of us, i think.

confession #3: binge reading

hi, my name is elise.

and i'm a book binger. 

i'm incapable of reading a good book at a leisurely pace. 

i just finished the hunger games trilogy.  i read the 1st book in 2 days, the 2nd in 1 day, and the 3rd in a 1 1/2 days. each book is close to 400 pages. i would've finished the last one quicker, but it was the weekend so bry was home and his parents came to visit which meant that i tried to actually participate in real life instead of allowing myself to be totally and only absorbed in the stories of fictional characters. it's tough for me to do that.  i know that i binge on books. i'm aware of this weakness, so i take breaks between reading so that i can be fully present and engaged in the real world for while. 

all that to say, i have a deep affection for good literature and think it provides wonderful benefits to individuals and society as a whole, but i don't think i've read my Bible once since i started reading this series.  every free moment that i could've spent reading my Bible was put into reading these books. and while i've certainly enjoyed pondering morality and ethics and the absurdity of utilitarian beliefs while reading them, i have not spent time seeking God's truth through His word. 

this is a problem because my sin snuggles down and gets a little more comfortable when i don't hold my life up to Truth each day. it only takes a bit of time away for my focus to zero in selfishly on me. i need to be in the Word to remind myself of who Christ is, what He's done, and who i am as a result of that. when i let God's word get bumped to the back burner, i don't think or live or love the way that i should. 

so my prayer this week is that God would give me a desire and passion for His story, the most amazing one of all, above all others. 

when i got home from the grocery store

*i walk in the door
asher: oh, hey mama! i back!
me: hey, my baby! yes, i'm back!
*he comes over to hold the door open for me
asher: come in, my mommy. come in.
me: thank you, sweet helper.


he's started calling me "my mommy." and i love it. just wanted to share my sweet new name.

what i woke up to

asher: mama! mama! mama! mama! mama!
*silence for about .2 seconds
asher: mommy! mommy! mommy! mommy! mommmmmmmy!
*silence again
asher: uhhhhweeeeeeeese!

it was 6 in the morning. his face was about 1 millimeter from mine. i was trying to ignore him to see if he would lay down and go back to sleep. he did not.

p.s. "uhweese"="elise"
he's heard bryan call me by my name.
 sometimes asher calls me "wipey" too because he's heard bry say "wifey"
cute, i know.

duh nuh nuh nuh *snap*snap

i cut bryan's hair. i really thought it wouldn't be too hard. i mean, i did thorough research (i watched 1 youtube video). it's not like very talented people spend a lot of time and money working hard in school to learn how to cut hair or anything, right? here's the convo right after i did it...

me: it's not that bad...
bryan: yeah, for a first attempt, it's not so bad...
me: yeah...
bryan: ok, i kind of feel like that fat kid from the adam's family...
me: oh no, bry. it really looks ok. i kind of like it...sorry i gave you a crap haircut...
bryan: it's not that bad...

so after bry took a shower and got used to his much shorter new haircut, we agreed that he should keep it as opposed to shaving his head.  it's really not that bad...

somebody let GG read this please!

*asher is looking at a book with pictures of dogs in it. one of them looks just like my grandma's dog. 
asher: ready to go see peanut?
me: oh, we can't right now, baby. we'll go see peanut in a few weeks!
asher: ok...let's go get shoes on.
me: we can't go right now. peanut lives with gg and they live too far away to go today.
asher: umm,wanna go see peanut and gg...and peanut.
me: i know you do. we'll see them soon.
asher: c'mon, mama. let's go.


the boys and i are heading for greer, sc in about a week and a half. i'm looking forward to seeing my family...and eating at Bucky's BBQ...but mostly my family. hehe. apparently, asher has missed our furry family members too.

block knocking

bryan: asher! stop kicking, bud.
asher: what happened, daddy?
bryan: you were kicking me. there's a time for roughhousing and then there's a time to be still so that i can change your diaper.
asher: i'll knock your block off, daddy.


i laughed really hard when i heard this. when bryan and asher are wrestling, bryan always tells asher "i'll knock your block off, boy!" i guess asher thought it was appropriate to return the block knocking.

confession #2: what is the function of this crazy church establishment?!

i had in mind to confess some other depraved part of me this week, but my whole thought process has shifted and been overtaken by a whole new beast since our ladies accountability small group last night. it ended on quite an unresolved, gritty note and i've been trying to sort through what i think about it all. sparing the details, because it got pretty personal and i have no right and have made no promise to divulge any fears or flaws except my own, let me just say that i left wrestling with these questions bouncing around in my brain:

1. What is the function of the church and, as an extension of that, small group?
this was debated a little amongst our group last night. is the purpose of the church so that we, as individual believers, can come together and collectively learn more about God and His being through the study of His word? OR is it so that we can foster fellowship and genuine love and concern for our church "family" and then extend that love as an outreach to others? i understand that ultimately the answer would be "to glorify God and make His glory known to the ends of the earth" or something along those lines, but that answer doesn't tell me how to go about doing that and it isn't very helpful to my bouncing brain questions at all. so my conclusion is that the answer is C-all of the above. Of course, we're meant to study God's word so that we can understand Him better and know and love Him more, but as that happens our love for people should grow too. you can't take one and leave the other. in fact, i'm quite certain that without the love of Christ in me and the realization of what God has done through Him I can't love people properly at all. and it's hard to come to that realization of God achieving the seemingly impossible task of eternal reconciliation without taking the time to read and study how it happened in His word. and then you can't read God's word without seeing that He really, really cares about people. and He loves them a lot. and commands us to do the same. "love God. love people." (cliche I know, but still true, right?)
2. How do I express love to other people?
chocolate hearts and red roses? no, i don't even like roses. i think they're stinky. so that is not my 1st choice. sorry, valentine's day.
seriously though, how do i love people? i know 1 Cor. 13 is a beautiful example, but here's a few of my own. i listen to them. i engage them. i show interest in them. i spend time with them. i deal with their crap and keep forgiving. i hurt with them. i laugh with them. i hold them accountable. i encourage them. i am patient with them. i do not judge them. i genuinely want to be in their presence.
basically, i DO stuff with them. i am active in proving my words of love to be true. whether it's intentional or not.
3. Do I really love people or do I just pretend to because it makes me feel better about myself?
"Dear children, let us not love with word or tongue, but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18
that pretty much sums it up for me. i can say "i really care about you" or "hey, i love you so," but if my actions don't reflect that concern then i've relinquished the right to have my words trusted. that is a simple and heart breaking concept because all too often i find myself saying "i care" and really meaning " i kind of care, but only when it's convenient and helpful to me...and only if i don't have to leave the comfort of my house...and only if i don't actually have to make the effort to make deeper, personal conversation so that i can really get to know you...and only when we're at church and other people are watching...because real love gets messy...and quite frankly, i don't feel like cleaning up after you...but seriously, i really do care." c'mon, elise. really? does that sound like love? nope. that sounds like a pretty crappy deal.

and so this is where i'm at. examining myself and sorting out how to love. and whether or not i really love at all. and realizing it's not an option to love so i better get my junk together and figure out how to do it. and do it well. not this half-ass stuff that means nothing at all. and looks nothing like Christ. and that makes me think it's no wonder people don't want Christ if His people can't love. so it's imperative to get it down because  i am part of the Christ's church and i have to hold myself accountable to His standard of Love. the end for now.

p.s. sorry i said the "a-word". i was on a roll and couldn't think of a better adjective. it needed to be said. don't take it personally.

the stinker strikes again

it's nice outside so to let a little breeze in the house, i decided to use our screen door that leads to the patio. asher just discovered how to slide the screen open. and by "discovered" i mean he was pushing on it and it slid open, allowing him to topple out onto the patio. and here's our conversation following that incident-

asher: what happened, mama??!!

me: you fell out, goofball. come back in and close the door.

asher: *giggles and does a little "i'm outside, but i'm not supposed to be" dance

me: asher, it's too breezy out there for you to be running around in just your shirt and diaper (he doesn't like to wear pants.)

asher: what, mama?

me: you heard what i said.

asher: whaaat, mama? *sticks his head back inside, smiling

me: asher, you need to come back in! you can't run around outside without your pants!! (this is usually the point in the post where i say something clever about how he's just like his daddy, but i'm gonna give daddy a break this time. kinda. heh.)

asher: whhaaaaat, mama? *he runs inside and runs back out again

me: ashhhheeerrrrr!!!

you may be wondering, "why didn't she just go get him and shut the door herself? sheesh, lady, get control of your stinker!" BUT i had just started nursing a screaming, hungry baby and the door was now wide open. i didn't feel like exposing myself to all the 8,946 kids outside. i was hoping my sweet son would be obedient and follow my instructions. instead, he did an "i'm outside and i'm not supposed to be" dance.

he's back inside now. i put my junk away and went and got him. i found him sitting in his wagon playing with a truck conveniently ignoring his mother's pleas.

stinker.

3 things the warmer weather means

1. i have to start regularly shaving my legs again.
alas, one of the more regrettable aspects of warmer weather. i like to use my leg hair as added insulation during the winter. bryan just said as i was typing this "i think it's nice because i don't even remember that your legs can be smooth until summer rolls around again." heh.
2. i get to paint my toenails pretty colors without feeling like it's a waste of time.
i just painted them "i pink i can" this afternoon. it amuses asher to watch. of course, letting him watch means he gets excited and tries to "help" and then i have to repaint them about 532 times (i enjoy number exaggeration. i think it's funny. i'm sorry if it's getting old by now since it is about the 823rd time i've used it in these posts.)
3. i get to eavesdrop on the kids at the playground.
our seminary apartments have an unbelievable amount of children (8,946 to be exact. i counted.) they all flood outdoors when the weather warms up. here are a few treasures i overheard today while playing in the sandbox with asher.
*2 girls seesawing while a boy swings beside them
boy: are y'all in the 6th grade?!
girl: uhhh yeah.
boy: oh man. luuuucky!
girl: oh my gosh. no, you have no idea. it's like the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life!
(ohhhh little girl. i hope 6th grade is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. i really do...)
--------------------------------------
boy1: no! don't leave man.
boy2: i've got to go. my mom told me i've gotta go home.
boy1: noooo. then i won't have anyone to play with.
girl: you can play with me!
boy1: ugh. no.
(ohhhh little boy. one day girls won't have cooties and you'll wish they paid more attention to you.)
--------------------------------------
girl1: hey! watch this trick i can do on my bike!
girl2: i taught you how to do that.
girl1: no, you didn't.
girl2: yes, i taught you it.
girl1: nu-uh. i always knew how to do it. i just...never...did it...before now.
(ohhhh little girl1. i just thought you were funny. it's ok to admit someone else taught you your super cool new bike trick. we can't all be future xgamers.)

colors

*playing with play-doh
asher: look at dat green butterfly!!!!
me: no, that's brown, asher.
asher: look at dat brown butterfly!!!
----------------------------------------------------
*playing with trucks
asher: tell me what color is dis, mama.
me: that's a yellow truck.
asher: yellow truck. now how bout dis?
----------------------------------------------------
*looking at a book about colors
me: what color is that, asher?
asher: orange, mama.
me: yayyyyyy! that's right!!
asher: orange circle.
me: that IS a circle, bud! soooo goood!!

we're working on our colors. he gets confused sometimes, but for the most part he's learning them well. i make him tell me what color his play-doh is before i open it for him. and then he makes me tell him what color his trucks are before i can play with him. and somehow he knew that the orange circle was a circle. i'm still not sure how he knew that because i haven't even tried to start shapes yet. i think he must have learned it from Little Pim because he does shapes and colors. except those are in spanish. but circulo and circle are pretty close, right? or maybe my stinker is a shape learning prodigy. cool.

bad habits

asher: mama! come here.
me: no, bud. i'm gonna stand right here. you lay down and try to go to sleep.
asher: mama, come lay down right here...on pillow.
me: i need you to try to go to sleep.
asher: mama, i need you, mama.
me: buuuuud...
asher: wanna hold you. need to see mama's belly.

when we first moved to wake forest, we transitioned asher from his crib to a twin size bed. he was only one and a half and he had just made a big move, so to help make it easier on him, we would lay down beside him until he fell asleep. and now he thinks he can't go to sleep without one of us in the bed with him. it's a tough habit to break. i tried to start last night, but as soon as he said "i need you," i caved. i jumped right in the bed with that stinker.

another bad (and really odd) habit that asher has is rubbing my belly. this started when i was pregnant and my belly was huge and my belly button stuck out. asher thought it was funny to rub it. i thought that would stop once baby nate got here, you know, normal belly complete with normal belly button wouldn't be quite so appealing, but i was wrong. it's become a security blanket to asher. he rubs my belly when he's sitting beside me on the couch. he needs to rub it to settle down at bed time. he even tries to lift up my shirt and rub it in the store. i've considered investing in some bare-midrift shirts to make it a little easier for him, but decided that's not really my style. heh.

the point of all of this is to say that i have no idea how to break either of these habits. especially when he just neeeeeeeds them. shewf.

mommy's helper

me: asher, what are you doing?
asher: gonna eat it, mama.
me: no, you're not. it's frozen.
asher: why not, mama?
me: because we have to cook it first.
asher: why not, mama?
me: because i said so, boy! now quit it with that back talking!

i'm just kidding about that last part. actually, instead of arguing with him, i just stuck the frozen dinner rolls that he was trying to prematurely consume into the oven.

asher likes to help me cook. excuse me. i meant he likes to "help" me cook. he drags a kitchen chair over to the counter and gets to work. tonight he tried to eat frozen dinner rolls. he also thought that a necessary step in the cooking process was pouring cajun seasoning into the coffee filters. and on the counter. and in the boiling rice. and anywhere else that looked like it could use a little spice. (i like to spit some rhymes occasionally. don't be jealous. it just comes naturally. get it? rice and spice-they rhyme. ok. i'm done with that.)

most of the time asher's "help" becomes more of a hindrance. HOWEVER, it's fun to let him try. i'll admit, sometimes i get frustrated, but i like to let him try as much as i can. i just can't help but think that one day he won't want to be hanging out with mama in the kitchen. one day, i'll be by myself cooking up about 468 grilled cheeses for him and his voracious, prepubescent friends while they kill zombies on their video games.

and then what's to become of poor, lonely, cooking-by-herself mama? who will take on the serious duty of cajunly seasoning her coffee filters? no one. that's who. so, for now, asher can "help" all he wants.

my funny valentine

me: remember our first valentine's together?
bry: yup.
me: how you drove from charleston to greenville in february with the air conditioning running so that the flowers wouldn't wilt??
bry: yep. and then they died in the refrigerator anyway...
me: and how you left them on the front stoop of the apartment and rebecca knocked them over on her way to work??
bry: yeah. those flowers were destroyed. and how i confessed that i intended to marry you in the letter i wrote?
me: yep. and how i didn't respond to that letter until 11 that night in a text message.
bry: yes!! you waited forever and then it was by text message?!!

it's so good to remember the early days of love. bryan seriously drove 3 1/2 hours with his air conditioning running in february because the florist told him the tulips needed to stay cool so they wouldn't wilt. i thought it was adorable when he told me. then they wilted overnight in the fridge. bryan went out to the store after he realized that the original tulips were mostly dead and bought some new ones. then he put together a brand new flower arrangement by himself! then one of my roomates kicked them over on her way out the door in the morning. poor tulips. they were still lovely though. AND after he confessed his undying love for me and his intention to marry me i really did leave him hanging all day. poor bryan. obviously, the wait was worth it though. we were engaged by that august.

love you, adorable husb o' mine!!

happy valentine's day!

confession #1: bottle it up

i have a problem with bottling it up. and by "it" i mean anger or frustration or disappointment or...the list could go on. instead of dealing with whatever and whomever has incited these emotions i hold it in.
i let it marinate.
fester, really.
i let it get big and ugly.
some simple little mistake that could easily be dealt with and forgotten becomes an all consuming, nasty funk that i can't shake because i won't talk about it. sometimes i like to bathe in the sludge of it all.
i like to feel sorry for myself.
i like to be the innocent victim.
i like to blame everyone else.

the problem with bottling it up is that all that trapped emotion can't stay there forever. i guess for some people it leaks out here and there, but i am not one of those people. eventually, my bottle erupts (complete with incredulous tears) into ridiculous spews of accusations and onslaughts that have mutated from tiny miscommunications or unaware offenses into intentional, direct attacks and hurtful, premeditated actions. my poor husb gets the brunt of this emotional pile up reaction just because i spend the most time with him so he has more opportunity to offend than others. it's not because he's always doing things wrong, but because when some little thing does, indeed, bother me instead of just saying "hey, that hurt my feelings" or "i don't understand why you did that," i would rather take a roll in the sewer of self-pity.

the amusing part about this whole thing thing is that usually when i'm in one of these bottling moods i try to get back at the perpetrator. which is crazy because usually the perp doesn't even know i'm mad, so i always just end up wasting time doing silly little things that don't really make me feel better. for example,  just yesterday i got grumpy at bry (i honestly don't even remember why and it was literally yesterday. i'm dumb.) so i decided i was going to get back at him and put the freshly washed slip cover back on the couch by myself. this is a process that is really difficult for one person (especially me) to tackle because it requires one to move the whole couch and to wrestle with a stretchy, stubborn slipcover. it's really a two person job.  bry had already promised to do it, but, just to stick to him, i did it myself. and it was hard and awful. i was fuming and grumpy. in other words, i just made life more difficult for myself. when bryan saw it he knew exactly why i had done it. he called me out on it. he said "why didn't you just wait on me? i know it's because you were grumpy and you thought 'i'll show him!'" darn. he knows me too well.

let me just say, because i'm a sinner and need to save some tiny bit of face, this is not an everyday occurrence. honestly, i don't even think it's an every week occurrence (you can ask the husb to be sure). but it does happen. and it is ridiculous. and i do hate it. usually my husb has NO IDEA that he's offended me or that i've even been mad for hours. after i've spewed all over him, he says something like "why didn't you just tell me? why did you let it go so long?"

he handles it all with much love and grace. 

i'm certainly thankful for him. 

we usually laugh about it afterwards.

you'd think i'd have learned my lesson by now, but i'm still working on it. thanks for being patient with me, sweet husb. thanks for loving me with a Christ-centered love that endures despite flaws and imperfections and solo-job-slipcover retributions. 

movie night fail

i had a free $5 voucher to rent a movie from amazon.com so i thought in honor of valentine's day the husb and i would enjoy a romantic comedy together while eating homemade chocolate chip cookies. i searched through our options while he was putting asher to bed and came up with about 5 choices. i decided since i was going to make him watch a chick flick that the least i could do was let him help pick it out. let me just say that my top 2 choices were mama mia (which was vetoed immediately. i tried to convince him that pierce brosnan was really 007 on a secret mission that just happened to involve singing and dancing, but he didn't buy it. sad.) and letters to juliet (which lasted about 2 seconds longer than mama mia). we decided on the movie definitely, maybe, thinking that since it had ryan reynolds that it would be funny enough for bryan and sweet enough for me. it was neither. it was crap. i was disappointed at about every scene. here's the convo after it was over-
me: i'm sorry i made you watch a crappy movie, husb.
bry: it's ok. i mean, i didn't pick it out. 
me: um, it wasn't my first choice. we should've watched letters to juliet. i heard it was really cute. maybe we can watch it next time.
bry: or maybe we could watch something with more blood and guts next time.
me: or more hearts and kisses???
*we both laughed at that, by the way.
bry: don't you know the best way to a man's heart, wifey? 
me: how?
bry: straight through the rib cage!!!! BLOOD AND GUTS!!!! yeahhhhhh!
*silence
me: ...that was stupid.
bry: yeah, it was. i'm sorry for that.

oh well, they can't all be delightful (like i bet mama mia would've been). the cookies, on the other hand, were delicious.

sitting at the drive-thru

we ate fast food last night because it was friday and because i forgot to lay meat out to defrost and because it's just so dang easy. we hardly ever eat out though because it's also just so dang expensive compared to buying groceries and cooking at home. and less healthy, but eh, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. anyways, asher and i were sitting at the drive-thru and i already had my window down because we were next in line. asher could hear the lady in front of us ordering and started talking to himself...

asher: ummm... prench pries... um, ketchup...um, tea...pwease. kank kou.
me: are you ordering for us, bud?
asher: gotta get food, mama.
me: oh, ok.

as we pull up and i start to order asher repeats his order loudly from the backseat. poor lady at the drive-thru. i'm sure she was confused. i was trying not to laugh so she could understand me.

we really haven't been through drive-thrus with asher that much. it just doesn't take much for him to pick up on things now. shewf. my 1st born baby is growing up. already ordering his own food. maybe next time i'll just roll down his window and let him put in our order. we'd never eat anything except prench pries and ketchup. that would be just fine with asher, kank kou very much!

big helper

baby nate has reflux problems. i keep about 573 burp cloths handy because he's always spitting up. i usually have one on my shoulder anytime i'm holding him. this afternoon asher grabbed one off of the couch and put it on his shoulder.

me: whatcha doing, bud?
asher: gotta get baby nate. c'mon baby nate. (he tries to pick his little brother up)
me: ohhhh no. he's sleeping right now, asher. let's leave him there.
asher: ok, mama.

this incident was adorable and terrifying at the same time. i'm glad i was sitting there to stop him before he got a good grip on baby nate. i love that he's trying to be a helper and a good big brother though. who knows? maybe in a few years when he's like 6, i can just let asher do all the baby burping and diaper changing and food cooking and house cleaning while i sit on the couch eating chocolate peanut butter fudge ice cream and watching jerry springer.

i kid. you know i love that boy too much to force him into manual labor. i don't even watch jerry.

speaking of jerry springer, my dad told me that he watches it in the afternoons while he rides the elliptical recumbent bike (my mom read this and corrected me). i laughed. i am smiling just thinking about it.

here's a picture of my dad with the stink (notice the burp cloth on the back of the couch):

and with the little buddy:

jerry! jerry! jerry!

hehehehehe. love you, dad.

poor baby nate

baby nate doesn't get much recognition on here and since i love both my babies, that messes with my impartial mama's heart. it's really just because he's not even 2 months old yet (he will be on valentine's day!), so he doesn't contribute much to our daily conversations...other than sweet, little baby gurgle noises that make me swoon. so since he can't talk yet, i just thought i would let everyone know that he has a theme song. it's more of a jingle, really. like to hear it? here it go! (that was for you, aunt churl ann)

"littttttle buuuudddddyyyyy!" (to the tune of "rubber ducky")

ok, so it's not much, but we have fun with it. we add descriptive words depending on what he's doing at the moment. like "little burpin' buddddddyy!" or "little grumpsin' buddddyyy!" or bryan likes to make him fly when he hands him to me just so he can say "little flyin' budddyyyyy!" that last one always makes us giggle a little bit. (let me just clarify that bry doesn't actually throw him to make him fly. he just holds his arms out and zooms him around a bit.)

i just needed to post something about our little buddy since big bud gets so much blog time.
now i have officially been appeased.
thank you for humoring me.
for the sake of "litttttttlllle buuuuuddddddyyy!"

daddy's heart

bry put asher to bed last night so that i could indulge myself. annnnnd this happened-

bry: listen to what he did while i was in there.
me: ok. what?
bry: i fell asleep for a few minutes and when i woke up he was really still so i thought he might've gone to sleep too. he was laying with his back to me, so i sat up and leaned over to see if his eyes were closed. he was still barely awake and he smiled real big at me.
me: awwwwwww!
bry: yeah. so i laid back down. then he sits up-and you can tell he's really sleepy just by the way he's moving and he's got little sleepy eyes and...
me: he checks to see if you're awake like you did to him?? (i like to interrupt the husb. sorry, husb! i get excited...)
bry: well, no,i thought that's what he was doing too. BUT he leaned over and kissed me!! and then he laid back down and went to sleep.
me: oh. my. gosh. did it just melt your little daddy heart right out of your chest??!!!
bry: yes, it did.

i'm not the only one who gets charmed by the stinker.

my guilty pleasure

bryan: are we gonna hang out tonight?

me: sure. at 9. after vampire diaries. 

bryan: oh yeah, well i wouldn't want to interrupt your night with damon.

me: huuuuuuuuuuusb!

i just felt the need to confess that i really enjoy watching the show 'the vampire diaries' (thursdays at 8 on CW, just in case you need to tune in). i'm sitting here waiting for it to start and i'm excited. my sweet husb is putting the stinker to bed so that i can watch it. i'll admit it's silly and dramatic and so 15 year old girl...AND i love it. and yes, i'm slightly embarrassed about my affection for it. 

there, it's out. 

think of me what you will.

cringe if you must.

we all have silly little guilty pleasures though, don't we? what's YOURS?

bedtime prayers

me: ready to say prayers, asher?
asher: no! no do dat, mama.
me: ok, well you don't have to, but i'm going to say prayers for you.
asher: can't do dat, mama.
me: (i start praying)
asher: ok...mama, daddy, baby nate. AMEN!

i just love him so. he prays for his family. short, sweet, reluctant, little toddler prayers.

my little hero

living in a house with a little boy means that i am forever finding trucks and cars and trains and balls stashed all over the place. i imagine with little girls you find things like pink bows and lip gloss and tutus and sugar and spice and everything nice? i wouldn't know...anyways, as we were walking into the kitchen, this happened...

asher: MAMA!! WATCH OUT, MAMA!!

me: what??

asher: i get it, mama. gotta get car. there, mama. i got it!

me: oh goodness! thank you, baby!!

i think he thinks he just saved my life. he's right. i would've probably been the first ever to die from matchbox car wound to the foot. thank goodness for my little hero. he's still a stinker, mind you, just a sweet-little-looking-out-for-his-mama stinker. shewf. i gotta go kiss those adorable, chubby cheeks now...

breakfast

me: ready to eat some cereal, asher?
asher: no! wanna watch ffiiiiiiretruuuuucks! (in an impossibly whiney whiner baby voice)
me: you don't want to eat breakfast?
asher: noooooo!
me: ok, that's fine.
*silence
asher: baby wanna eat cereal, mama...

have i mentioned that he's a stinker yet?? he is...

i need a better bribe...

asher: ready to go pee pee in potty mama!
me: you are?!! let's go!
asher: ok...gotta change diaper first.
me: baby, you're not wearing a diaper. did you pee pee in your underwear?
asher: yep. baby gotta change big boy underwear.

this was the 3rd time we changed big boy underwear. despite potty breaks every 15 min, he somehow manages to pee about 2 min after i get him off of the potty and put him back in underwear. pray for my patience with potty training. i'm already thinking he's adorable enough that people won't notice if he wears diapers until he's 12. right?? i think i need a better bribe. m&m's just aren't cutting it with his stubborn booty.

the husb

husb: i think you're sexy, wifey.

me: um, thanks.

husb: no, seriously. if you ever look at yourself in the mirror or in the shower and think 'ugh, i don't like this or that' then you need to remember that it doesn't matter because your husb thinks you're beautiful and sexy just the way you are.

me: thank you, husb.

i find myself teasing the husb a lot in these posts, so i thought i would just let you all know how sincerely wonderful he is. i love that man. here's another gem:

me: are you gonna eat something before you lay down? (after he got home from working 3rd)
husb: no, i think i'm just gonna go to sleep.
me: ok

husb: you know why? because i'm gonna feast on looooove. because i loooove you!

hehehehe. he's pretty rico suave, that wonderful husb of mine. 

a mother's work...

as i'm cooking dinner, bry has nate who is crying...

bry: are you ready to feed this guy?
me: ummm, no.
bry: oh, c'mon. can't you just feed him anytime in the middle of whatever you're doing?
me: oh yeah, sure. hand me that baby carrier thing and i'll just strap him on while i cook.
bry: maybe i could just get some rope and tether him to you...
me: yeah. it'll be kind of like a horse with his feed bag...
bry: that sounds like a pretty good deal, baby nate!

i assure you that my husband was just kidding. despite his silly jokes, he really is an awesome, supportive, and helpful husband and daddy. i love him. and i think he's funny. :) even though we were joking, this conversation reminded me how a mother's work is never done. for realz ("z" on the end makes it more legit, right?) i'm not complaining, i love being a mama, but i wasn't one of those little girls who dreamed of motherhood. i was going to be a professional basketball player or a zookeeper...anyways, now that i am a stay at home mama, i think it's actually harder than having a "professional" career. as a mom, if you don't make yourself sit down and rest, you never will. something always needs to be cleaned or cooked or picked up. someone always needs to be fed or changed or bathed or played with. the hours are 24/7. that being said, it's still the greatest job ever. we get paid with looooove and affection and appreciation. corny? yes,but so true.

he DOES listen

as i was folding laundry, i threw a pair of asher's pants on the couch next to him. i had planned on making him put them on after i finished putting all the other clothes away because it's the middle of the afternoon and he's still running around in his diaper. i mean, he's two for goodness sakes. that boy's gotta wear pants sometimes. shewf, he's just like his daddy... heh. anyways, i threw the pants on the couch beside him and...

asher: mama!
me: yes?
asher: no trow it, mama!
me: what?!
asher: no. trow. it. mama. (he said it slower this time and enunciated...)
me: ok, i'm sorry, bud. i was just throwing them over there so you could put them on.
asher: here, mama. put it back. (he hands the pants back to me)
me: no, you need to wear them.
asher: no need it, mama. put it back.

my two year old son pretends to be hard of hearing when i ask him not to throw things, but apparently he DOES listen. he's listening close enough to repeat this very same reverse conversation that i have with him when he starts throwing things-complete with stern, slow enunciation. i'm raising a selective hearing little stinker who is using my own mama serious voice against me. heaven help me. i hope baby nate isn't over there sitting in his bouncy secretly taking pointers from his big brother...

sunday, sunday, sunday!

i find myself complaining a lot about how the church lacks good fellowship and accountability because we fail to be transparent and honest with one another about our sins and struggles. when we hide behind "everything's fine" then we stifle the potential community we could find in admitting we're dirty scoundrels, but still loving and helping one another in spite of ourselves.

soooo since i am part of this church that i'm complaining about, i've decided that sundays are going to be reserved for "my confessions". in an effort to promote more transparency from myself, my posts will be conversations from the previous week that have convicted, challenged, or encouraged me. they'll probably tend to be longer posts because i want to include good explanations and thoughts too.

i doubt they'll be funny.
i want to take them more seriously.
i want to throw my dirty laundry out there for all the blog world to see.

i realize that "confessing" through a blog is a little different (ok, a lot different) than talking to someone's face, but you gotta start somewhere. i hope it encourages me to be more aware of my sins and shortcomings through the week so that i can not only confess my struggles, but also deal with them. if you read it and can relate, or struggle with the same things, or just think i'm crazy i would appreciate a comment saying so. i think i've got it set up so you can comment anonymously if you like. please.

stay tuned for sunday, sunday, sunday!

dreams of dentures

me: did you ever have braces?
bry: nope. can't you tell by my awesome teeth?
me: they really aren't bad. other than the fact that you haven't been to the dentist in about 12 years. we both need to have our teeth cleaned. you're supposed to go once a year.
bry: no. the dentist is stupid. all they do is put stupid holes in your mouth. besides, i think it's once every 15 years.
me: bryan! they're trying to prevent you from having dentures at age 30. if i go, you're going.
bry: nope. maybe i want dentures by age 30. that seems a lot easier. you just pop them out and clean them before bed. then put them back in when you need them.
me: ugh...

asher is 2 and hasn't been to the dentist yet. i'm calling to make his appointment today. i hope it's easier to convince him of the importance of good dental hygiene.

my little boy good morning

i got up to nurse nate a little before 6 this morning with every intention of going right back to sleep afterward. however as soon as i started to nurse, i heard asher rattling around in his room. and then this happened:
*asher bursts into our room. seriously, he burst...or bursted? anyway, the door almost came off its hinges.

asher: HEY MAMA! (he doesn't have any sense of volume control, so even at 6 in the morning when everybody knows it's only appropriate to whisper if you have to talk at all because you really should be sleeping instead of talking, my son yells)
me: hey, baby. (appropriately and groggily whispered)
asher: wanna play trucks, mama? (did i mention he's dragging his box of toy trucks behind him? well, he is)
me: not right now, baby. wanna get in mama's bed and go back to sleep?
asher: ok, mama!

and we all slept contentedly late until noon...the end.
no, i lie. i'm sorry. it was just the fantastical wishful thinking of a mother of a toddler and infant, but since i'm committed to only posting true events and convos sans exaggeration, here's how it really ended.
*i help asher into bed

asher: ready to go to sleep?
me: yes! here, you can sleep on daddy's pillow. let me cover you up.
asher: ok, mama. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. (ridiculous and adorable fake snoring sounds complete with closed eyes and mischievous smile) ALL DONE!!!
me: what?! i thought we were sleeping?
asher: all done. wanna play cars, mama?

man, i love that kid. enough to play cars in my bed while nursing his baby brother at 6 in the morning. that is love, right? ;)

unimaginable...(this is a long one, but worth it!)

bry: did i tell you about the lady who was offering lots of money to buy someone's baby?
me: umm, no.
bry: yeah, they were talking on the radio about this lady. i guess she couldn't have kids? but my first thought was, 'why wouldn't she just adopt?' and the only thing i could come up with was maybe she got denied for adoption? in which case, why would you want her to have your child?
me: wow. that is crazy.
bry: so the host on the radio show asks if anyone-hypothetically-would be willing to sell their child and for how much. just as i'm thinking 'who in the world would do that?' a guy calls in and says he'd take 4 million for his 2 month old.
me: what???!!! that's nate's age. i can't even imagine...
bry: yeah, his reasoning was if this lady has 4 mil to pay for his baby, then she could probably give him a better life. and i thought 'man, there's more to life than giving your kids material things!'
me: exactly.
bry: so then this other woman calls in, and she's literally in tears, saying that her and her husband aren't able to have kids and they're not in a good enough financial place to be able to adopt. she says if you're willing to sell your baby for any amount of money then you're a monster! and the whole conversation went from kind of a joke between this baby selling guy and the host, to serious compassion for this woman. they even let the woman talk directly to this guy...
me: wow.

i was in shock through most of this conversation trying to figure out why someone would give up their tiny baby for money, so i didn't have much to say. even if that baby was "taken care of" as far as wordly pleasures go, can you imagine the emotional damage when he found out that daddy sold him for a few million? crazy. hopefully, sweet lady at the end talked some sense into him...

this convo is a good reminder to me when i'm feeling sorry for myself because our tight budget won't allow us to buy all the coolest toys or take the neatest vacations. our boys won't be missing out on the important stuff like love and snuggles and laughs and tickles and silly spontaneous dancing that their daddy does...

ok, mama is probably more likely to do the last one, but you get the point.

aaaaachooo!

if i forget to bless asher after he sneezes, he reminds me...every time.

*asher sneezes and i'm not paying attention

asher: mama! asher sneeze.
me: oh! bless you!
asher: thank you, mama. thank you, asher sneeze.
me: you're welcome, baby.

still working on getting his polite, little booty on the potty, but at least he's making sure we use our manners in this house!

we're working on this potty thing

*asher busts into the bathroom as i'm using it

asher: (yelling) MAMA GO PEE PEE IN THE POTTY LIKE A BIG BOY!!
mama: yes! mama pee pee's in the potty. does asher want to sit on the potty like a big boy?
asher: nope! (runs away, giggling)

what can i say? he's proud of his pee-peeing-in-the-potty mama. now if only we could get him to go potty!

in the beginning...

i'm not very good at this blog thing.
i've tried it before and failed.
i'm pretty lazy at keeping up.

just in case history repeats itself, i wanted to begin with that disclaimer. HOWEVER, i'm really going to try this time. no, really. i am. don't roll your eyes...

why?? partially because friends and family have asked me to start this blogging thing back up again, but mostly because i love my little family and i think you should too. 3 words to describe us: hilarious, adorable, and awkward. and i love us that way. and i'm sure you'll learn to agree with that accurate description as you read. i hope you do.

anyways, because i am so terribly awful at being a diligent blogger, i've come up with a realistic, achievable plan this time. i noticed the other day that a lot of my facebook statuses are conversations that take place in my home. and i'm not gonna lie, they're usually entertaining and most definitely little glimpses of our daily life. SO i plan to post those memorable convos here, instead of facebook. i will probably just leave it at that. all short and sweet and so totally doable for a slacker like me. i may add explanations if necessary. i may add pictures (if i ever get a camera). but for the most part i'll leave them just the way they took place.

so this is the longest, wordiest, long windiest post you'll get from me. starting tomorrow, it'll just be conversations. you can thank me later. :)