it's been a while since a confession. i was out of town for a week and then i just got behind. i've been mulling over a few different ones over the weeks and may try to catch up this week, but for now here's the most recent one.
it's true. i am no longer a size small. i realized that was something i needed to deal with when i began to notice myself getting a little depressed when a size small shirt didn't fit. ridiculous thoughts would swirl through my head:
"am i getting fat? no, you're not that fat. although, you could stand to lose some of that arm flab. and those love handles! sheesh, woman! you've really let yourself go. no wonder you don't fit into that dainty size small! do they make a size 'blob'?!"
okay, so maybe they weren't that ridiculous, but they were pretty close. i actually found myself getting a little depressed that i may need to buy a medium (or heaven forbid, a large?!) shirt. this past time my brain took off in this direction, this thought hit me:
"what in the world am i doing to myself? i'm definitely not a size small and i'm OKAY with that. i've had two sweet babies and babies do strange things to a woman's body. they makes things bigger and droopier and flabbier and stretch-markier and not-a-size-small-anymoreier and that's OKAY. i will never again look like i did as a sixteen-year-old-bikini-wearing-spring-breaker and that's OKAY. i am not a teenage girl anymore. i am a woman and it's OKAY to have a woman's body!"
tis strange the body issues that women come up with. i don't think i've ever met a woman that was completely happy with her body. it may not be a weight issue, but there's always that mole that shouldn't be there. or her hair color isn't quite as lovely as that other lady's. or her teeth are just so minutely crooked that it's just hideous! i have those kinds of issues too. and they are just as ridiculous as my flabby ones.
here's where i'm going with all of this: what do these crazy thoughts say about our Creator? the sweet, intentional, work of His hand is being repeatedly bashed by my silly insecurities. to say i'm not happy with myself is to say i'm not happy with who HE created me to be. i wonder what He has to say about all of this? psalm 139:13-16 come to mind. letting those destructive thoughts creep in is definitely NOT praising my Creator for how wonderfully i am made.
they make me think of my own sweet "creations" and how much i love and cherish their "imperfections." how those differences make them more special and unique to me. how angry i would be if anyone made fun of my sweet stinker's adorable squished pug nose, or his precious little lisp, or his humongo toddler feet. those are MY BABY's features and because they are his they are lovely and right and perfect for him.
i have a feeling that Our Sweet Creator feels the same way. because He has made us and because He loves us, we are lovely just the way we are...flab and all.