here's yet another story from the book i'm currently reading (God on Sex: The Creator's Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage by Daniel Akin). i just can't help myself from sharing again.
The 8-Cow Wife
by: Norman Wright
When I married my wife, we both were insecure and she did everything she could to try to please me. I didn't realize how dominating and uncaring I was toward her. My actions in our early marriage caused her to withdraw even more. I wanted her to be self-assured, to hold her head high, and her shoulders back. I wanted her to be feminine and sensual.
The more I wanted her to change, the more withdrawn and insecure she felt. I was causing her to be the opposite of what I wanted her to be. I began to realize the demands I was putting on her, not so much by words but by body language.
By God's grace I learned that I must love the woman I married, not the woman of my fantasies. I made a commitment to love Susan for who she was-who God created her to be.
The change came about in a very interesting way. During a trip to Atlanta I read an article in Reader's Digest. I made a copy of it and have kept it in my heart and mind ever since.
It was the story of Johnny Lingo, a man who lived in the South Pacific. The islanders all spoke highly of this man, but when it came time for him to find a wife the people shook their heads in disbelief. In order to obtain a wife you paid for her by giving her father cows. Four to six cows was considered a high price. But the woman Johnny Lingo chose was plain, skinny, and walked with her shoulders hunched and her head down. She was very hesitant and shy. What surprised everyone was Johnny's offer-he gave eight cows for her! Everyone chuckled about it, since they believed his father-in-law put one over on him.
Several months after the wedding, a visitor from the U.S. came to the islands to trade and heard the story about Johnny Lingo and his eight-cow wife. Upon meeting Johnny and his wife the visitor was totally taken back, since this wasn't a shy, plain and hesitant woman but one who was beautiful, poised and confident. The visitor asked about the transformation, and Johnny Lingo's response was very simple.
"I wanted an eight-cow woman, and when I paid that for her and treated her in that fashion, she began to believe that she was an eight-cow woman. She discovered she was worth more than any other woman in the islands. And what matters most is what a woman thinks about herself."